Thursday, January 29, 2009

**WARNING** This Blog May Contain Explicit Language...

I swear to god I seriously think I might kill someone!
I don’t know if its coincidence or not but ever since I quit smoking at the beginning of this year, over three weeks ago, I have been extremely angry - at least, more so than usual…most people who know me well, will know that I am a naturally angry person. Not all the time of course, I'm rather happy and bubbly (as we should all be aware of by now) but I do have an aggressive side if provoked (hey, you piss off a Scorpio and they will sting you!).
But lately I’ve been noticing that I am so much more angry and aggravated to the point where I am concerned for the safety of other people when I’m around.

So this year I was meant to quit smoking and cure my speed addiction however since quitting smoking I have taken to speeding a hell of a lot more, which naturally, is increasing my road rage! I wrote a blog a little while ago about speeding / road rage but never posted it as I don’t think I could be bothered at the time, but while it was true, it was light-hearted and on the funny side, but fuck that, this shit is way more serious now!

I’m finding that the tiniest things that I would usually shrug off are making my blood boil so much! I grip at the steering wheel and cuss and curse until my head is just about to explode and then I fucking floor it when the opportunity arises just so I can get the fuck away from them before I ram my car so far up the arse of theirs that I'm literally flying out their nostrils! I'm so sick if dickheads racing to cut me off only to just slow the fuck down, stop on orange lights and let other people in front of us! And now because of that I'm only too determined to make sure nobody gets in front of me because they might slow me down - and 9 out of 10 times they fucking do! I’ve noticed that I am doing anywhere between 20-40 over the limit on a constant basis and my license expired and stayed expired for two weeks because did I have any time to renew it? NO and why was that? Because I was working 5 days plus 5 nights spread out over a 7 day week and the very RARE and Few nights that I had off I couldn’t go get my licence because the RTA was shut by the time I finished my day job and the only TWO half days I had off (I say half because I had to work weekend nights as fucking well) I still couldn’t go and get my licence because the stupid RTA is only opened till 12 on Saturdays and I couldn’t fucking wake up until about 2 hours before I had to go to my night job because I had been trying to catch up on the sleep that I missed out on during the fucking week!

I don’t know what to do - I honestly think I am going to have to seek medical help and get some kind of drug or therapy to help me channel my anger and a lot of it is built up as well because I cant take it out on my friends and loved ones as its not their fault that the world is full of stupid fuckwits and I cant take it out on complete strangers cuz that falls under some kind of “intent to harm” category of the law and I most certainly…
(Argh fuck off V! I swear to god that man cannot take a fucking hint! Every fucking day he asks how I am. Now if I snap back a very sharp and brisk “FINE” then it means ‘fuck off I'm not in the mood’ especially when I am typing like a maniac because I have so many fucking thoughts in my head that are racing faster then I can fucking type and then he stands there asking if I had a good weekend and when I accidentally slip up with a “no” he wants to know why! My god it is none of your business! I don’t know you, we’re not friends, you’re just that annoying Russian guy who I cannot understand and who constantly says you’ll buy me chocolate to cheer me up but never actually follows through with it! And NOW I can’t remember what the fuck I was in the middle of typing because you fucking interrupted me when I clearly displayed the most obvious “FUCK OFF” signs in body language that you will ever see!)

On another note I am so fucking sick of coming into work every couple of days only to notice that some c*nt has been going through my fucking stuff! My draws or the shit on my desk!!!!!!!! It is fucking disgusting that someone feels that it is OK for them to go through my shit!!! And they are obviously having a good fucking look - like this morning, all the shit in my draws was completely out of place!!! I know this for two reasons. The first being that I lay everything out in order of what I use the most - obviously that stuff being at the front and at the end of every day I put my notebook and my to-do-list book on top of everything as it’s the last thing I do in my draws, well today the note book was on top of the to-do-list and there was a very old packet of pills that I had found in a first aid kit a year and a half ago that I forgot I even had so they must’ve been at the very back of my draw and they were at the front and on top! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I am so sick of the bullshit that goes on in this place! And I know I complain about my job all the fucking time and I can understand how infuriating that is for you and I know I should leave but its not part of my plan! I just need to stick it out for a few more months until I’ve fallen pregnant and am about to burst and then I will quit this fuck-hole that some dickhead wants to call a ‘work place’! It is not a work place! I don’t know what I’d call it, but it is most certainly not a work place - maybe a slave yard…the dirty fuckers!! I have been with this shithole company for 2 and a half years! I started out as the receptionist when I was 19. I was then made redundant after a year and a half (stupid Germans) and so they moved me to a different (shitty) department where I do 5 times as much work (I got all these extra tasks associated with the new department PLUS I am still doing reception work - minus the phones) and yet I am still on the same fucking wages I was on as a 19 year old receptionist - I am now 22 how the fuck is that fair? Well I’ve decided fuck them I am only going to work at the same rate I am getting paid…and if they want to give me any extra work well they can but I can assure you I will not be going out of my way to get it done!!


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