Thursday, December 30, 2010

Reliving The Battle

Omg it was just all so surreal. I mean, reliving it here, now, with you just sends all these suppressed memories rushing back to the surface of my brain. I don’t know if I’ll get through this but I’ll try. I’ll be strong. I have to. If not for sharing my ordeal in a bid to raise awareness to others but to allow myself to heal and move on with my life.


It all started about 20 minutes ago.

It was dark-ish, I was sitting in my recliner breastfeeding my 11month old, watching Friends re runs. Good show, that.

Anyway I was feeling slightly parched and decided to take a sip of my drink condensating on the coffee table to my right. As I reached across I let my eyes wander from the TV for just a second in the direction of my warming beverage when I saw it.

In the glare of the TV there it was. Scuttling across my living room floor.

“SHIT!” I yelled.

And then another expletive about 1.2 seconds later.
My fiancĂ© wasn’t home at the time, he works nights. It was just me and I knew I had to do something – for the safety of myself and my daughter.
With my baby asleep in my arms, still attached to my breast, I arose with such speed and stealth that thankfully, she didn’t awaken. I raced her to her bed, laid her down and prayed she wouldn’t wake.
As angered as I was that our special time had been rudely interrupted and I would’ve gladly picked up where we left off if she did wake up, this was not the time.
I raced back in to the lounge room to examine the situation.
*pauses for a moment to catch my breath. This is a hard memory to have to retell*
-cue music for dramatisation-
Ok I’m back. Where was I?
OH right so there I was, face to face with this demon. With a running jump I flew over its head Matrix-Style and into the kitchen...slicing my leg open on the child-safety gate as I landed. Blood oozing everywhere I reached for the broom, I needed some kind of weapon and the ironing board was just too heavy. Then, I opened the chemical cupboard only to find the Mortein was missing.
I started to dial Mr.J's number, to ask him where it was when I realised I had no time for chitchat. Throwing the phone into an explosive mess on the hard tiled floor I grabbed the next best thing.
Glen Twenty.
Thoughts racing through my mind... “What if it likes the Glen Twenty?” “How do I know it won’t empower the demon, making it stronger, more evil?”
Acting on impulse, with my broom in position and trusty Glen at the ready, I took off the lid and set up my aim. As quick as a flash I sprayed.

And sprayed.

And sprayed some more.
It crawled right to the edging of my black display cabinet, hiding in the shadow of the coffee table.
I wanted so bad to be able to reef the coffee table away but two things were stopping me. No that’s wrong, three things were stopping me.
Firstly, my beverage would spill if I did this. Secondly, the sudden movements would stir the demon and I’d possibly lose sight of it. And lastly, the coffee table is tied to the cabinet to prevent it falling on the baby.
Time for plan B.
Jumping over the lounge and through the flyscreen door to the balcony, wearing only my undies I grabbed the Mortein from the table and came back inside.
I wanted to spray at it in a direction that would force it to crawl back away from the coffee table and recliner – I did not want to sit on it! However, I had no choice but to aim side on to the beast and just hope it went in the direction I wanted it to.
It did!
But just when I thought the end was near, things took a turn for the worse.
It lifted up its ghastly wings and tried to fly. ICK!
These are the worst of their kind.
I sprayed and spray and waved my broom around until to my horror, I watched it crawl up the side of the cabinet, and disappear behind it into the darkness of the night.

Wary that it might try and set up camp in my recliner, with all my strength I heaved it away from the wall. Peaking alongside the back of the cabinet, I couldn’t see it.
When I came back around the front I saw it had come back out for more.

The battle was on again.
Using my broom to direct its path and preventing it from flying (ick!) I sprayed that can of Mortein once more.
With one last flight attempt the demon flipped itself onto its back and started sliding all over the place.
Just for good measure, I continued to spray until the can was almost empty (god I hope I don’t need it again tonight).
Not wanting to risk anything I caged it under a chinese container, and cemented it down with one of Mr.J’s shoes.
I’m safe for now.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Scared Safe!

I've always considered myself a safe driver. A good driver.
But needless to say, I will admit...I sped - ALOT...infact, ALL THE TIME! It was like I was addicted to speeding...once, I even tried going a whole week without going over the speed limit - didn't work. I just got so frustrated that I sped even more.

And while I know "there's no such thing as 'safe speeding' " (I've read the signs, I've seen the ads), I still considered myself a good driver. A safe driver. I never drive recklessly or in a dangerous manner. But yeh I would always be at least 5, 10, maybe 15 ks over the limit, always.

Since having Muffin (since falling pregnant really) I cut down on my speeding considerably. It helped that I was no longer working at my day job so didn't have to get thru the 9-5 hustle and bustle of peak hour traffic. But yes I did still speed, not with Muffin in the car though and I'd try not to go over 10ks past the speed limit.

Recently, Mr.J & I traded in Black Betty, for a new more family-orientated car (a station wagon).

I'd owned Black Betty for near 7 years now, I knew it very well, knew how to handle it, could probably have driven it at unrealistic speeds in horrible environments with my eyes shut - backwards - and not have an accident.

Sure I've hit a few poles in my time but both times it was in a parking lot and I was barely doing 5 kms let alone 105kms and it was a mis judgement on my part.
But I knew my car...I knew what it was capable of, I knew how to handle it in tricky situations.

I knew how to speed in it.

Since getting the new car, I've cut down even more on my speeding, it helps that I'm no longer working my night job and I have no schedules so I only occasionally sped if I was running late for coffee with a friend or something.

Last week, Muffin & I were on our way home from my mum and dads. Its a 45-50 minute drive, I take the m7.
It was raining...absolutely pissing down.
I was driving up the has about 5 or so roundabouts - big ones up the whole length of the street.
Its a dual carriage way.
The roads were slippery.
I could hardly see out the front windscreen.

I was not speeding. I never sped in the rain.

It was either the first or 2nd roundabout - I cant remember now.
I was in the right hand lane.
There was a fair distance between me and any cars in front of me.
There was no one next to me in the left lane.
I had just finished turning my wheel to the right from entering the roundabout and was now turning it to the left to make the exit.

I lost control of my car.

I was turning the wheel to the left but the car kept sliding to the right. All of a sudden, the car lurched towards the left, just in time to miss going into the other side of traffic.
Because it happened so suddenly, I guess I was still sort of trying to pull the wheel to the left. It thrust me over into the left lane so sharply that I went sideways out of the roundabout.

I don't know how but I managed to regain control of the car and straighten back into the left lane before cleaning up the telegraph pole on the sidewalk.

All I could think during this moment was that I would never forgive myself if I crashed and Muffin died or was injured. NEVER.

I am SO glad that I was not speeding that day.

I have never lost control of my car before. But this is a new car and I don't know it, at all. It took me years to get to know Black Betty. I've had this car for about a month - if that.

I haven't gone over the speed limit once since this day.

I take extra care at corners and in roundabouts.

I'm so ashamed that even when not doing the wrong thing, I could've just lived out every drivers worst nightmare.

I learnt a very valuable lesson that day. One that I will never forget.


Monday, November 15, 2010

I almost died this morning.

It was almost 10am and I was having my mid-morning boobie nap with Muffin and I was dreaming about getting ready for my coffee date with D & C. I dreamt I was running late, it was 11:11am in my dream...I was hoping to be there by 11am.

When my alarm woke up shortly after 10am, I got up and got myself and Muffin ready and was just about to leave right on time when and I couldn’t find my keys...anywhere!!!
After turning the place upside down I found them – exactly where I’d left them. Exactly where I thought I’d left them. In the exact bag I’d looked in first. They were hidden in a nappy!

By the time I’d gotten downstairs, loaded Muffin and the nappy bag and myself into the car it was, would you believe it, 11:11am...Spooky!

I was just about to put the keys into the ignition, all the while musing about the spookiness of the time when all of a sudden, I was under attack!!!

A giant Bogon moth came flying out of nowhere!!!!!!!!!!!!

I almost shit my pants!!! In my panicky, vulnerable and frantic state, I flung the door open, smashing it into the pole I was parked next to and threw myself out of the car - literally! As I landed with a loud thud on the hard concrete, my phone smashed to smithereens underneath me and the keys dropped somewhere on the floor of the car...And then something occurred to me...Muffin was still in the car, and so was the killer moth!!!

Being as brave as I could be for my daughter, I opened every door to the car. I picked up a hand pump I found on the floor of my car and started frantically waving it around and poking it at things in the car, hoping it would shake the beast from its hiding spot so I could fight this battle – one on one, man to man, mono e mono!

With the pump as my Excalibur in one hand, and my Achilles shield, created with one of the stick-on mesh window sunscreens, in the other I was ready for battle.

Remembering that the killer beast had flown towards the back window, I realised it was trying to hold Muffin hostage. But alas, as any mother would do in such a horrific situation, I did not back down.

After moving some crap off the floor underneath Muffin’s dangling feet, I saw it crawling around on top of some other crap on the floor, circling my baby, using her has bait to try and lure me into its trap.

Hiding behind the open front passenger door I leant in and attacked the beast from behind. I poked at it with my Excalibur and forced it to reveal itself.

As soon as it flew out of the car, shielding myself Achilles – Style, I slammed both doors shut and ran around and shut the other two doors.

Realising that the windows were still all open, allowing the killer beast to come back for round two, I leant in through my window and pressed the buttons to close all the windows.

I picked up the pieces of my mobile phone, jumped in the car and floored it out of there, smashing through the wrought iron gate that surrounds the I’m just’s not a wrought iron gate, it doesn’t “surround the premises” and I didn’t smash through’s just the regular metal-pole-fence-style gate that locks off the basement car park and another resident happened to be coming in at that exact moment and had already opened the gate so it was just good timing but still.....

I drove to D’s in fear that there were more moth troops hiding in my car but if they were, they were too afraid to show their ugly faces after watching what I just did to their leader!

After a big strong hard drink I relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon.

When it was time to go I bundled a sleeping Muffin into the car, along with the nappy bag and with my car door open, just as I was about to jump in myself, you will never guess what flew into my car at that very moment.
*dum dum daah* (insert scary music here)

Friday, September 10, 2010

Scary Start to the Morning

So here I am this morning, sleeping peacefully in bed when all of a sudden, I'm woken by this god awful noise!

In my sleepy state, it took a few moments for me to realise it was the smoke alarm...right outside Muffin's room!!!

I leaped out of bed and raced down the hallway and into her room to check she was fine, she was. But as I made my way out into the living room i could smell smoke of some sort.

I called out for Mr.J, but when I got no response I realised he wasn't home yet...the smoke got stronger as I made my way past the kitchen to the front door...

Just as I was about to open the front door to see if I could see any smoke, a person appeared from my hallway!!

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I shouted and jumped back into the corner.

Why the hell was there a person in my house at 7:30 in the morning? Lots of thoughts kept running through my mind, my heart was beating through my chest, all I could think about was hot to get past this person to get to Muffin...How had I gotten past this person to get out of the hallway in the first place? HOLY SHIT maybe they were in Muffin's room?!?!

After a few moments of all these thoughts going through my mind at a million miles an hour I remembered something...

Mum slept over last night.

It was her in the hallway...I didn't pass her in the hallway before because she was in the bathroom getting ready for work.

it was her crumpets burning in the toaster that set off the smoke alarm.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Squirt, the Magic Fish

So me and Mr.J seem to be fish killers lol.

We've had a big 3ft'er in our place since we moved in almost 4 years ago, the fish I wanted back then needed a heater so we decided to do nothing till we bought a heater.

Almost 4 years later we decided to buy a heater (lol we're slow) anyway the aquarium that had the fish I wanted closed down so we went to a different pet shop and picked some fish.

We got 10 neon tetras and 3 comet goldfish. Oddly enough, the sales assistant didn't bother to tell us that those two fish should NOT be kept together. Needless to say, the 3 comet goldfish ate all the tetras and then one goldfish died because of the heater - we think...they're not tropical therefore cannot be in with the heater. Since the tetras were dead, we turned the heater off.

Then another goldfish just died of natural causes...Mr.J said I over fed them. Well sorry but if I feed two fish and one wants to be a pig and eat all the food then that's its own fault haha
The last goldfish (killer, as I'd named him) looked a bit how-ya-going and lonely so we took him back in the hopes that they can save him - turns out he wasn't well anyway. We couldn't have kept him anyway as any fish that was smaller than him, he would've eaten (he was HUGE, all the fish in the pet shop were smaller than him), as well as any fish that are better looking - apparently!

So we bought 5 new fish. Lemon Cheesecake-a small yellow and white goldfish, Skittles-a small orange, black and white goldfish, Dorothy (Muffin named it after Dorothy the dinosaur)-a white with black spots butterfly fish(aka mini oreo), vanilla milkshake - a big white with black tail butterfly fish and squirt, an all black, tiniest of the tiny butterfly fish.

Well Dorothy died first, after only being in our care for a few short weeks...then over the past week and a bit, Squirt has started showing signs that he too, was next. Floating backwards along the top, flittering lifelessly, losing his colour etc.

One day, he was dead. I told Mr.J to do what needed to be done.
For whatever reason, he did not, but I was not aware of this. That night I fed the fish.
Squirt started swimming around eating the food...

The next day, Squirt was almost floating still on the top of the tank. That afternoon, as he lay still on a rock on the bottom, he was dead.
That night I fed the fish.
Squirt started swimming around eating the food...

Last night, Squirt was floating, upside down, in the corner of the tank, at the top, not breathing, not blinking, not anything-ing. He was dead!

Today I feed the fish....all of a sudden I see Squirt, poor life-less Squirt, swimming around, eating the food WTF! He is not well, its quite clear of that, he's losing his colour, he's a bit slow, his tail has practically gone (looks almost burnt off). But he's not dead.

how has this happened I don't know.!

I'm thinking tomorrow of going out and buying a small fish bowl and transferring him in the hopes that he might get better in new fresh water on his own...I hope so.

Poor Squirt - he's a trouper I made This Video for him, when I thought he'd gone. (the pics are from his first few days at home...bit blurry.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Doing Laundry

So I was doing some tidying tonight, just putting away laundry, and felt inspired to blog.
And you can pick yourselves up off the floor now, I didn’t decide to do housework on my own accord…Mr.J asked me to :P

Anyhow, as I was sorting through the piles that were there and forcefully trying to shove them into the already over-flowing allocated shelf spaces, it got me thinking…Do I really need all these clothes?

I know I’m a hoarder but I like my clothes and obviously, I still get use out of them, although some don’t fit quite as well as they used to.

Nowadays I spend my time slothing around the house in nanna knickers and a dressing gown all covered in spit up food, dribble and sometimes, a little baby poo (hehe), so when I do actually venture to the outside world, sometimes I like to put a bit of effort into how I look…sometimes! But being on a budget (that I can’t afford), I don’t often spend too much money on new clothes and any new clothes I’ve bought lately are size 0 and therefore a tad too small for me, so I do often fall back on some of my old favourites from my 9-5 days and theme them with casual jeans and some nice heels but going through some of the items I’ve been seen in lately it did occur to me that some don’t fit as well as they used to…since having a baby, my tummy has expanded a little, don’t even get me started on the size of my breasts and well lets face it, I’m not 18 any more!

A Love Story With A Happy Ending

It was Winter, two thousand and three when cupid was hard at work. A young man and a young woman were destined to meet...

On a cold wintery night, Betty Boop met Mr.J. It was love at first sight.

As the months turned into years, the two fell more and more in love with each other with every passing day.

In Summer, two thousand and six, they took their relationship to the next level and moved in together. From there, things only got better.

As time went by their love only grew stronger.

October two thousand and eight, spring time. On a boat under the evening sun somewhere in a far away land, Mr.J knelt down on one knee, took Betty by the hand, looked deep into her eyes and proposed marriage.

In no rush to wed, the two were content with their engagement and still madly in love, but both felt as though there was one thing missing from their lives.

They wanted to be a family.

Two thousand and nine, April, their lives were soon to be fulfilled, with all their dreams come true. For Betty would soon deliver the news, that the baby they longed for was due.

Friday two thousand and ten, January Eighth - Noon.
Brought into this world with ten fingers and ten toes. Weighing in at 8.12 pound and 52cm long, Muffin was born.

What was once a duo, has now become a trio and a new journey has begun.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Perfect Moment

With her head resting on my shoulder, her face merely an inch from mine.

I feel a tiny puff of air on my lips as she breathes in and out.

Her breath is sweet, the most angelic scent I’ve ever breathed.

Her tiny hand rests lightly on my heart, as I feel her heart beating against my breast.

I study her face ever so closely, seeing no imperfections.

Her skin as soft as velvet and so creamy in colour.

I gently press my lips to her cheek, it is but with a kiss, I whisper:

“Goodnight, my Precious. I Love You”

Words so true, they cannot be untold.

As her eyelids flicker slightly at my touch, through her peaceful slumber I know,

That she loves me too.

Muffin fell asleep in my arms after her feed. I just wanted to share this moment. I sat with her for what seemed like hours, just staring at her beautiful face. I will cherish these moments forever.

Friday, May 7, 2010

The finer things in life

Anyone see that new add for lotto on the telly?

An old man wins lotto and pays for all these fish to go into the local lake so him and all his old mates can actually catch some fish at their local spot...Such a sweet way of appreciating the smaller things in life...He doesn't need to buy mansions and fast cars ... just add a bit of excitement to his daily fish and bring a smile to his friends
love it ♥

On that note, I'm going to bed to have some of my own sweet dreams :)

Monday, May 3, 2010

Before I Was A Mum

Before I was a Mum, I never tripped over toys Or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not My plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mum,
I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind And my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mum,
I never held down a screaming child So doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mum.

Before I was a Mum,
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mum,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mum. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
Before I was a Mum.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Crouching Betty, Hidden Moth

Even though it’s no longer moth season, they are still out there and they are still finding ways to let me know they are out to get me!!

While I was out today, I decided to stop to pick up some lunch at the Baker Street shops. As I pulled into a parking space I called Mr.J to ask what he wanted when all of a sudden a giant teradactle-sized moth flew in the window at the speed of lightening, it was coming for me and it was angry (I know this because it was yelling expletives at me) I screamed in a panic and dropped my phone. I was just about ready to jump into the backseat when something stopped me.

Was it courage? Was it the killer moth? NO it was the back of the car…I WAS IN THE UTE!!! There was no backseat…there was no where to go!!!

So with the smallest ounce of courage I found scrumbled up on the floor amongst some rubbish, I reached past the moth and started winding up the window!! I wound with the stength of a hundred men.


It was gone…BUT WHERE?

I knew it wouldn’t have gone far…did I kill it? That, I didn’t know. But I knew it was somewhere waiting for me.

Anyway, with all the dignity in my little toe, I schooched over the hand brake and jumped out from the passenger side…I wasn’t taking any chances.

I slowly creeped around to the other side of the car and had a peek…I knew it was still there, but where? I couldn’t rest until I knew its whereabouts. Then I saw it…smooshed under the window. Ok so is it actually smooshed or is it just sitting there waiting for me to let down my guard??

Not wanting to take any chances, I didn’t put the window down the whole trip home and I practically sat in the passenger seat for fear of it creeping through the glass to attack while I was driving.

Anywho some time passed and Josh decided to go out for a little while. We both had forgotten about the moth.

When I remembered it was there, I called him to see what happened.…

“It was still alive” he said.


Mr.J said it wasn’t actually smooshed but was trapped in between the rubber seal and the glass but didn’t die…Like I have said before, peoples! These are no ordinary moths! They are some kind of mechanical killing beast and they are out to take over the world, one human at a time…starting with me!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Miracle of Life

The Birth of Muffin.

It was just after 8pm on the evening of Thursday, 7th January 2010, I had just turned on the telly and cut myself a nice slice of strawberry cheesecake. I adjusted my preggo pillow to support my back, reclined my lounge and just started to get comfy when something didn’t feel quite right…I suppose I felt a bit ‘damp’ down there. It could’ve been nothing as I quite often got very sweaty in my fatter days of pregnancy but just to be sure I decided to go to the loo for a wee…just incase I found something funny on TV.

Immediately after I sat on the toilet a small trickle of water rushed out of me, not enough to be considered a wee but enough to arouse my suspicions… I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and then some more came right out. “Oh dear” I thought. “I’ve pissed on the floor!!”

I quickly rang Mr.J at work to tell him something wasn’t right and that I’d call him right back once I knew for sure what was happening.

After a chat with one of the emergency night staff at The San, I then knew for sure. My waters had broken. This is it! The moment we had been waiting for, finally arrived.

I called Mr.J back to tell him to get his but home straight away, called all the parents involved and as I was on the phone to dad, I went to stand up and walk somewhere when out came a really big gush of my waters breaking…oh dear! It really was messy. So after grabbing something to sit on (Mr.J’s shirts worked fine), I figured it was best if I just sat there doing nothing and Mr.J can finish getting ready for me when he gets home.

Once I had cleaned up and had a nice shower, Mr.J had all my things ready to go and we’d had another chat with the hospital, it was time to go in. We did think it was a bit too soon as Dr Paul had recommended not going in until my contractions were 5-7 minutes apart and I had not yet had one, but as the nurse explained, its best to come in once my waters have broken so they can keep a close eye on me and make sure everything is as it should be.

The delivery suite was so lovely, my bed, a lounge, bathroom with spa and shower, and my machines that would soon become almost a part of me.

Shortly after getting settled, my nurse for the night, Jo, came in and hooked me up to the machines.

Within minutes I started to feel a bit uncomfortable, I wasn’t sitting in a very comfy position and I think I was beginning to get contractions.
I wanted to walk around to try and ease the pain and distract myself, but wasn’t able to as I was hooked up to the machine.

After about an hour had passed the pain was so intense it was making me sick…from both ends. Once Jo disconnected me I was able to run to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I came back I asked her if there was anything I could do to make these contractions not feel so bad. She looked at the chart from my machines and said “I’m sorry but, you haven’t had any contractions yet”

Well then what the hell was all this pain??? Turns out it was “just cramps”. JUST CRAMPS?? Holy mother of god…this meant it was going to get worse!!

And get worse, it did!

I was not allowed to have a bath but I was allowed to have a shower and since I’d forgotten to pack my heat pack I thought the heat from the shower might help a little. It did seem to ease these horrid “cramps” for a while…they started breaking apart…only lasting for a minute or two. It wasn’t until after I’d nicely puked all over myself in the shower that I realised, these weren’t cramps any more. These were my contractions beginning and they were starting to hurt.

After jumping out of the shower and putting some underwear on, I tried to walk around to keep occupied but the pain I was going through was just too much for my legs to bear, I had to go back to my bed. Jo came and hooked me back up shortly after so we could monitor my contractions and the baby’s heartbeat and make sure all was going accordingly. Yes everything was happening as it should be, except that it was all happening very, VERY slowly. Except for the pain of course…that just got worse by the second.

Not allowed to lay on my back I was rolled up onto my side squeezing the life out of Mr.J’s hands and breathing like a mad woman every time the contractions hit…it seemed to be very frequently but it turns out that I still had these “cramps” in between so while the contractions may have eased off a bit, the pain was still far from over.

Two or so hours of this, plus added kicking, punching and screaming I was offered some gas. I had heard that it does sweet bugger all, and I believe that I had heard correct. All it succeeded in doing was preventing me from screaming, sometimes.
I think maybe an hour or two had passed again when Jo came back in and I spat out the gas and cried “You’ve gotta give me something more. I can’t do this. I can’t handle the pain!!”

So she said she would arrange for an epidural, “it will take about half an hour till you get it”. “WHY?!?!” “Because the doctor who does the epidural needs to come from home.” Oh good god, I thought. Another half hour or so of torture!!

As I fought the will to live, Dr Someone (was so not paying attention at the introductions) arrived 15 minutes early…Well who cares what his name is, to me right now I will just call you god. “Thank you god!!”

While I knew the epidural would help me out, it was still really hard to focus on that part at the time because actually receiving the epidural was a rather tough challenge. Mr.J and Jo helped me to sit up, they turned my legs around to hang off the bed and placed them firmly on a chair. A pillow was then shoved across my tummy and under my armpits. I had to press down on it, leaning forward with my head down, my elbows bent but NOT resting on my knees, and DO NOT MOVE. Um I’m sorry what? How the hell can I not move? First of all, this isn’t a comfortable position under normal circumstances but I'm having contractions that make me wanna explode! “That’s ok, when you get a contraction, just remember, DON’T MOVE!” shit!

20 minutes later it felt like he was finishing up. “Is it done now?” I asked with every ounce of hope in the world.
“Umm…not quite, sorry. I put it in the wrong spot.” Oh sure no worries cuz that doesn’t bother me. Please, spend another 20 minutes there, I’ll just sit here and die!

After what seemed like decades had passed, they were finally finished. Within about half an hour all the pain had gone…along with the feeling in my body from the tummy down…including the control of my bladder. By this stage, however, I didn’t give a shit about my bladder. I had been sitting there stewing in my own filth for the past 5 or so hours anyway, a little more mess wasn’t gunna make much difference.

Once the epidural had been functioning for over an hour, Jo came back to insert my catheda. Due to all the shitty gas I’d sucked, the minute her and Mr.J rolled me onto my back and sat me up a tiny bit, I got nauseous and started vomiting again. Oh what the hell…vomiting while a woman sticks a tube inside your urethra seems rather natural for 3 O’clock in the morning, don’t you think?

Mum and TJ arrived shortly after. Mum thought that since I’d just had the epidural the labour should continue for another 3 or so hours then the baby would be born early morning. Oh how I wished she was right. But alas, I was only dilated 3 centimetres. That’s like a centimetre every 2 hours. ARGH!!

Even though the pain from the contractions had faded away, I was still rather uncomfortable as I could only lay on my side but couldn’t feel my legs and by this stage, had lost all strength in the rest of my body so every half hour or so I needed Mr.J and Jo to flip me to the other side, like an egg. Unfortunately for me though, I had no ‘sunny side up’.

By about 8am Friday morning, the tiredness had well and truly taken over all of us and it just felt like the night was never going to end.

Dr Paul came to see me around 9am. If we were hoping for some kind of light at the end of this horrible tunnel, we were sure to be let down. I was only dilated 5 or 6 centimetres! And the baby still hadn’t dropped yet. So I was injected with yet another dripped that would intensify my contractions in the hopes to push bubs down into the cervix so we could do a natural birth. My epidural was also refilled as it had run out within the last 2 hours.
Dr Paul explained to us that bubs was posterior, and that if it dropped when he came back for his next check up in an hour or so, he would be able to manually turn the baby and we could do a natural birth. However, the possibility of a caesarean was still there as he was still concerned with the size of the baby against the size of my pelvis.

Just after 10am, Dr Paul checked me again. The intense contractions had been doing their job, bubs had dropped a lot more down into my pelvis and I was about 8 centimetres dilated. Things were finally starting to look up for me. He wanted to give me another hour to get fully dilated and then the birth would commence.
I was so overcome with joy as I really did not want to have a c section.

11am and we were getting ready to meet our baby. Dr Paul checks me out again, to make sure everything was as he needed it to be to begin the delivery. However, things were not looking up for me. The baby was stuck. My pelvis was too small for the size of its head and it could not get any further down. Trying to give birth naturally was out of the question as it would just cause too much stress on me and bubs and it was just not worth it.

As disappointing and scary as that was, I had been at this for 15 hours, even if the baby wasn’t stuck, I truly feel that I would not have had the strength to push anyway. I was over it. I was tired, and sore, and hungry and I just wanted it to be over and done with. So I was prepped for surgery and given my 3rd epidural top up.

Emotions were high for all of us but we had to do what needed to be done. As they wheeled me away, I said goodbye to mum, TJ and Chooky and Mr.J and I were taken into theatre.

Many different doctors and surgeons and midwives were there explaining how it will work and what will be happening to me.
The anesthetist explained that he gives me an injection into my epidural which will completely take away any pain I would feel during the surgery. Once they were sure I would feel no pain, they called Mr.J in and set to work.

I had Dr Paul, Dr Peter (another obstetrician) and a nurse working me from one end. I had Mr.J, two nurses and the anesthetist at the top end talking me through everything that was happening and there were about 5 or so other people in the room, doctors and nurses just observing and offering support for both myself and the doctors.

I have never been more scared in my life. EVER!

I was extremely worried I would feel pain. There was a lot of discomfort but no actual pain, thankfully. Each time the doctors did something, one of the support doctors would tell me what I should expect to feel so that I didn’t get a shock from anything. There was a lot of pushing and pulling movements and every now and then there would be pressure in certain places.

As scary as it was, every step of the way Dr Paul and Dr Peter (hehehe Peter and Paul lol) would walk me through what they were doing.

“We can see its head now”, said Dr Paul.

“It has brown hair”, said Dr Peter. “Do you know what you’re having?”

“No”, Mr.J and I both said in unison.

12:00 noon, Friday January 8, 2010 - “Mr.J, stand up and have a look at this” the doctors said…

“Mr.J, remember I am watching your face so be careful how you react!”

Mr.J stood up and peered over the sheet.

“Congratulations guys. You have a little baby girl!”

“Are you serious??”

“We sure are”

As soon as they took her out and I saw her, for a brief moment, time stood still. Nothing else mattered in the world. It was like being in a picture and it was a beautiful picture.

But then I was yanked back into reality as they started to look around inside my insides making sure everything went back to its correct location and that I was as healthy as can be, then they started stitching me up.

The c section itself took probably about 10 minutes but the stitching took about 20 or so as there were many layers for them to mend.

Once the nurses and Mr.J had her a bit cleaner and all wrapped up they placed her on my chest for a cuddle.

“Now guys, I have a small confession to admit to you” said Dr Paul. “Because she was stuck in your pelvis, I accidentally cut her a little bit on her cheek when we opened your uterus…”

Whoops. Oh well her first little scratch, had to happen sooner or later.

Once I was all stitched up and re dressed Mr.J and Muffin were sent off to go meet the world and I was sent to recovery for half an hour.

All in all it was a very tiring, scary and emotional experience but at the end of the day (after being awake for over almost 40 hours), Mr.J and I are now the proud parents of little baby girl Muffin.

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Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy the intricate workings of my mind as much as I do. Love Betty xXx
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