Thursday, December 30, 2010

Reliving The Battle

Omg it was just all so surreal. I mean, reliving it here, now, with you just sends all these suppressed memories rushing back to the surface of my brain. I don’t know if I’ll get through this but I’ll try. I’ll be strong. I have to. If not for sharing my ordeal in a bid to raise awareness to others but to allow myself to heal and move on with my life.


It all started about 20 minutes ago.

It was dark-ish, I was sitting in my recliner breastfeeding my 11month old, watching Friends re runs. Good show, that.

Anyway I was feeling slightly parched and decided to take a sip of my drink condensating on the coffee table to my right. As I reached across I let my eyes wander from the TV for just a second in the direction of my warming beverage when I saw it.

In the glare of the TV there it was. Scuttling across my living room floor.

“SHIT!” I yelled.

And then another expletive about 1.2 seconds later.
My fiancĂ© wasn’t home at the time, he works nights. It was just me and I knew I had to do something – for the safety of myself and my daughter.
With my baby asleep in my arms, still attached to my breast, I arose with such speed and stealth that thankfully, she didn’t awaken. I raced her to her bed, laid her down and prayed she wouldn’t wake.
As angered as I was that our special time had been rudely interrupted and I would’ve gladly picked up where we left off if she did wake up, this was not the time.
I raced back in to the lounge room to examine the situation.
*pauses for a moment to catch my breath. This is a hard memory to have to retell*
-cue music for dramatisation-
Ok I’m back. Where was I?
OH right so there I was, face to face with this demon. With a running jump I flew over its head Matrix-Style and into the kitchen...slicing my leg open on the child-safety gate as I landed. Blood oozing everywhere I reached for the broom, I needed some kind of weapon and the ironing board was just too heavy. Then, I opened the chemical cupboard only to find the Mortein was missing.
I started to dial Mr.J's number, to ask him where it was when I realised I had no time for chitchat. Throwing the phone into an explosive mess on the hard tiled floor I grabbed the next best thing.
Glen Twenty.
Thoughts racing through my mind... “What if it likes the Glen Twenty?” “How do I know it won’t empower the demon, making it stronger, more evil?”
Acting on impulse, with my broom in position and trusty Glen at the ready, I took off the lid and set up my aim. As quick as a flash I sprayed.

And sprayed.

And sprayed some more.
It crawled right to the edging of my black display cabinet, hiding in the shadow of the coffee table.
I wanted so bad to be able to reef the coffee table away but two things were stopping me. No that’s wrong, three things were stopping me.
Firstly, my beverage would spill if I did this. Secondly, the sudden movements would stir the demon and I’d possibly lose sight of it. And lastly, the coffee table is tied to the cabinet to prevent it falling on the baby.
Time for plan B.
Jumping over the lounge and through the flyscreen door to the balcony, wearing only my undies I grabbed the Mortein from the table and came back inside.
I wanted to spray at it in a direction that would force it to crawl back away from the coffee table and recliner – I did not want to sit on it! However, I had no choice but to aim side on to the beast and just hope it went in the direction I wanted it to.
It did!
But just when I thought the end was near, things took a turn for the worse.
It lifted up its ghastly wings and tried to fly. ICK!
These are the worst of their kind.
I sprayed and spray and waved my broom around until to my horror, I watched it crawl up the side of the cabinet, and disappear behind it into the darkness of the night.

Wary that it might try and set up camp in my recliner, with all my strength I heaved it away from the wall. Peaking alongside the back of the cabinet, I couldn’t see it.
When I came back around the front I saw it had come back out for more.

The battle was on again.
Using my broom to direct its path and preventing it from flying (ick!) I sprayed that can of Mortein once more.
With one last flight attempt the demon flipped itself onto its back and started sliding all over the place.
Just for good measure, I continued to spray until the can was almost empty (god I hope I don’t need it again tonight).
Not wanting to risk anything I caged it under a chinese container, and cemented it down with one of Mr.J’s shoes.
I’m safe for now.

3 Reader Repsonses:


cockroach??? I hate them too lol but not THAT much hehe

Ms Boop said...

Haha yep! A flying one too

And shortly after that ordeal, I went into the laundry to do some washing and when I came out, there was a giant spider on my wall...I'd left the door open when I went out to get the mortein! Lol so when Josh came home there were two shoes on two containers trapping dead creatures lol

And I was attacked by one yesterday as well...they are seriously out to get me lol

Des said...

Baahaahaahaaaa OH geez!

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