Thursday, April 14, 2011

Born to be a Mother

I was born to be a mother. All I have ever wanted was to have children. I wanted it so badly, that my own mother was expecting me to come home from school every day since I was like 13 and tell her I was pregnant (never happened lol)

When I pictured my life ahead, I never saw travelling, I never saw high paying careers, I never saw any of the stresses that came with that.
I saw nappies, and baby puke and bottles and smooshed food and clutter and chaos and cute smiles and loving adorable hugs and all that comes with being a mum.

My life (aside from our current financial woes) is pretty much exactly where I had pictured it to be - and I couldn't be happier.

Having said all that, I didn't have my rose coloured glasses on (even though my mum always thought I did). And I knew that having a baby was going to be hard.

However, I didn't know what kind of struggles I'd face, because every child is different and every one deals with stuff in different ways.

And even though I am exactly where I wanted to be and I did all that I possibly could to "prepare myself for this reality" there are still some days, some moments, where I sit and think "I would just like one hour to sit on my own and scratch my bum and stare at the clouds and be still".

I don't expect it though, but every now and then I do crave it. And I am the most maternal person I know - I'd have a hundred babies if it was possible and I was rich. Being a mother is my destiny. I know who I am more now, then before having babies and pretty much every day up until the moment I conceived Muffin, I had been waiting for my reality to begin.

This is who I am. This is who I've always been - even though I didn't have the babies to show for it.

This is me.

Love Mum


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