topbella

Monday, December 31, 2007

OMG Scary Stuff!!

So I'm not working today-which is great-I woke up and did a bit of house work and then I was outside having a smoke and I saw a MOTH in the crack of the glass door (on the outside luckily) but all the same it was a moth and I knew that if I left it there - it was going to attack me (because that's what they do)!

So, I came in and sussed out my plan of attack…I was going to open the screen door just enough to fit my arm and a can of mortein through, then spray the shit out of it with the mortein and then really quickly and stealthily shut the door so it wouldn't fly at me or fly in the house….. Sounds good right?

Ok Action Time!!

I opened up the screen door wide enough to fit my arm through...

I lined up the mortein…

And then I sprayed and sprayed at the moth...

But all of a sudden it flew (somewhere) and my military confidence vanished, I freaked out and then the screen door fell off the hinges!!!

I didn't get to see where the fuckin moth went and I couldn't re attach the door…….OH GOD!!So I had to hold the door – reach inside and grab my phone to ring Mr.J and find out how to put it back on…

He said I need to be on the outside and then slide the top bit in first and then the bottom would slide back into place!

This meant I would have to venture outside...who knows where this moth could be hiding...

So I placed the door against the wall, ran back through my house and into my bedroom and went out side from the bedroom door… I then started slowly creeping along my balcony – keeping watch for the moth incase it didn't fly away and it was hiding, waiting to makes it move…when the phone rang and scared the shit out of me forcing me to bolt back inside through the bedroom door only to get tangled in the curtains and fall onto the bed and then roll off that and onto the floor…

Sheesh! What a day!!

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Friday Night Shenanigans

You know you've had a good 'night-before' when you wake up at 10am with a thumping head, a disgusting taste and feeling of stale cigarettes and alcohol stuck in the centre of your throat and the first memory you have is of walking…or rather stumbling around saying over and over again to the exact same people, "fuck me, I'm drunk!"

After work on Friday arvo I headed over to Ms.A's place to get ready for a party we were attending in the city for one of our suppliers at work. The night didn't seem to start off at all promising…after being jumped on by Bob (Ms.A's puppy) in the black pants I was planning to wear, I spent a good fifteen minutes in the bathroom washing out tiny paw prints and drying them off with a hair dryer, then while holding them up to study my good 'blow job' I accidentally dropped them on the floor – but not just anywhere on the floor…right in the wet spot that Ms.A had left when she got out of the shower moments earlier…Out with the hair dryer again…

When 5 different outfit combinations had been tried on and discarded, Ms.A was finally dressed in what she was going to wear, so off we headed on the slow and painful journey that would lead us to our destination.

I'm going to interrupt myself for a moment here to explain to anyone who (a) did not witness the god-almighty storm that hit Sydney about half an hour before this or (b) doesn't live in Sydney and can not even fathom how difficult and unfortunate it is to drive into the city…but to put it simply – IT'S A BITCH...if you're visiting this city for any reason, I beg of you for god sakes, catch a train!!!

We left right at peak hour going through all the main roads on which about 50% of the traffic lights were blacked out from the storm and there were police officers standing around guiding traffic from all sides of the intersection to get people through, only for some reason this always makes people drive slower…two hours, 6 cigarettes, 15 "get out of my way you mother fucker" 's and 20 blacked out traffic lights later, we arrived in the hell hole that just happens to be one of Sydney's biggest tourist attractions and weekend party zones – our city.

With all the "no right turn" signs, one-way streets (going against our direction) and bloody stupid peak-hour traffic drivers, we finally managed to make it to the very end of George Street to get around the block and then into Pitt Street in search of the Civic Hotel. Once we spotted the hotel, we needed to find a park…it was getting to the point where it didn't seem worth it any more and we were just about ready to turn around (if the street signs would allow us) and head for home, when finally we found a parking station…down we go, and around, and down some more, and around some more…this place was like a freakin maze…but anyway we eventually reached the boom gates where we could collect our ticket when we learnt that its one of the expensive parking stations and to stay for only 3 hours was going to cost us $36!!! Rip off…only problem was after finding our way down the maze-like ramp to get there, there was no way out…we had no choice but to get a ticket…so we did….we then continued to drive through the labyrinth – also known as a "car park"…to find a pay station so we could get the hell out of there and find cheaper parking…turns out there isn't a pay station – at least not in visible view of humans – but as we got to the exit gate, it took our ticket with no charge…thank god! Finally things were starting to go our way…Once out of there we drove around the block and found another parking station – this time with an $8 flat rate – closing at 1am. Perfect!

First things first – get through the crowds of people gathered at the opening of the club, get a stamp on our hands to get into the function room and get some wine!! After that things started to run smoothly, alcohol began to flow freely, simple conversation skills began to fade quickly and every one was having a good time…The only down side for Ms.A was that all but one tray of canap├ęs were full of meat of some kind…being a vegetarian, designated driver and having not have eaten anything all day…3 very delicious, yet very small rice paper rolls with spinach and ricotta didn't do a good job at filling her up and she had a teeny headache coming into the end of the party.

Funny story – we were in the (unisex) toilets at one stage, Ms.A and I, taking photos (as you do), when we noticed two gentlemen enter so accordingly we took some photos of them, had a chat, did our business and went back outside to drink some more…somewhere near an hour later Ms.G was slurring to me that I should go up to the Big Boss of the company that were throwing the party and thank him for a good night, tell him that he has chosen a great venue and everything is just fantastic and basically be a bit of a suck up to keep up the good rapport our company has with his…I had only had maybe 5 or 6 wines and I know that I do get rather (EXTREMLY) drunk off wine but I didn't feel it at the time, I do have great people skills, I really was having a grand time and the venue was infact splendid so since I was going to be telling him all things true, I figured it'd be alright…So I said "no worries…point him out" She turned to a gentleman wearing a black shirt and said "that's him"…And who should it be, but none-other than the man I referred to as "duuuuudddeee" while taking his photograph – in the toilets!!! I almost wet myself laughing as I said to Ms.G "I'm pretty sure that I've already made a good enough impression!!"

Anyway a few minutes shy of midnight we said our good byes and Ms.A walked while I attempted to walk back to the carpark, paid our parking fee and then headed to the nearest petrol station for food and nurofen for Ms.A's headache.

On our way home, we got a text message from Ms.B – a girl from our work – saying she and her mate Ms.J were at the local having also just left a work function for Ms.J's work, so we figured "yeh lets meet them there". We went back to Ms.A's to get our membership cards and I needed to change as I was a little over dressed for drinks at the jerkers in the middle of the night.

Upon sourcing the girls out of the crowd, we went into the dance floor room (to which I never even knew existed in the whole 6 years of membership that I've had with this club) and stayed there till it closed off at about 3-ish (I think). After watching Ms.B and Ms.J dance like "mentally challenged" or just plain retarded idiots for about an hour we were then entertained watching this drunk guy – who had been eyeing them all night – casually start dancing closer and closer to them until he was close enough to pretend to be shocked that he's actually dancing with them and attempt to pick them up…Clearly wasted from a night of drinking he's obviously had himself, he didn't exactly succeed in his attempt to…hrm… I'm at a loss for words…I'm not actually sure what he was attempting…infact, I don't even think he was sure…Nonetheless he stuck around for the rest of our night dancing with the girls while Ms.A and I watched on in amusement…We did however, have our own weirdo try and pick us up during all this…only he was about 60-odd and very, very messed up from either a hard life or a lot of drugs and alcohol, or from my assumption – both!

Unfortunately for him, Ms.A and I still had our "fake" engagement rings on our 'ring finger' from the party in the city so it was decided that we would pass on his numerous offers of drinks and dancing being that we were 'married'. Strangely enough, just like the weirdo mesmerised with Ms.B and Ms.J, he also stuck around and just sat at the table behind us all night, possibly hoping that we'd forgotten that we'd already rejected him like 3 times and maybe he'll succeed each other time he tried!

Heading to bed at about 4am we were satisfied from a good night out and in dire need of some rest…
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