Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Weaning - Day 7

OMG! I didn't breastfeed Muffin at all today!! :(

So last night was interesting, she woke up just after 2 am crying and normally I leave her to go for a bit before deciding what to do and normally she is back to sleep within 2-3 minutes. However, last night she went a bit longer and having Mr.J home while he's on a weeks holiday from work means he can't handle the sound and wants me to go settle her.

So we argued for a bit because really, he's got a week off work (his second of 2!) and I still had to get up for work at 6am today. Anywho, of course I got up. So I threw some choice expletives in his direction and stormed off.

When I got to Muffin, she was standing up in her cot so I picked her up and thought I'd just try and cuddle her back to sleep in my arms. She hasn’t woken in the night in months so to be perfectly honest, I had no fucking idea what I was doing.

Anywho, she kept pointing to her door so I walked there, she reached out and opened it and pointed out to the hallway. So I stepped out there and asked her if she wanted some milk? She said no and pointed up the hallway. I walked up there and asked "now what?" and she pointed to my room. So off we went.

I was terrified because last time we co slept was back during the rough patch we went through where she would cry and co sleep all night but only want to breastfeed and play all night. I do not want to go back there again!

But I was tired and probably a little extra emotional due to weaning so I hopped into bed with her.

When she asked for boobie I said no and told her we can just have cuddles. For some of the night, she laid there talking to herself but for the most part she slept on me. Man, when did my child get so bloody heavy?!

When my alarm went off at 6am this morning, she was still asleep. I tried to wake her and offer a quick boobie feed but she got cranky and rejected (figures, since I woke her up lol) and she just rolled over and went back to sleep. So for the first day in almost 20 months, we started our day with no breastfeed  :(

During the afternoon after work, she only asked for it once. And when I offered her milk instead she was totally fine with it and never asked for it again.

Just now as I was putting her to sleep, she fell asleep during her bottle. Didn't even finish it. And didn't roll over for boobie.

I'm heartbroken.

Even though I know this is great progress for our weaning journey, it's the first day in almost 20 months that we haven't had at least one breastfeed.

My First Mothers Day - 2010. 4 months old

The "NO POO" Challenge

Hello loyal followers :)

I have created a second blog as I am going to partake in a "NO POO" Challenge but didn't want to clog up this blog with all that bullshit (LOL)

To read all about it and follow my progress, go check out my "NO POO" blog.

Thanks for your time.

Luv to you all

Monday, August 15, 2011

Weaning - Our Progress

*written over a period of a few days so past and present tense will be used simultaneously*


Day two of weaning was pretty sad. She came up to me at one stage in the afternoon and in the clearest voice possible, actually asked me for "bewb" :(

I have been wanting her to ask for it since she first started learning words and she finally does it and I have to tell her "no". I was so proud of her and felt like a mean mummy all at once.

It was bittersweet.

So far today, day 3, she's been doing really well. Hasn't asked for it once, so depending on how she goes for the rest of the afternoon, I'm thinking about possibly making tonight her last night time breastfeed.

*later that day*

Well, it looks like I've spoken too soon. Just as I wrote that last sentence, she pulled me to our boobie lounge chair and climbed on my lap and tried to breastfeed.

Feeling so shattered :(


So I didn't make Friday night our last night feed as her asking for it throughout the day proved she still wasn’t ready. Which is fine, it's still early days.

Saturday brought with it a new challenge… It occurred to me that I don't know how to get Muffin to sleep now that I'm not breastfeeding during the day. So around mid-morning, I gave her a bottle and took her for a walk in the pram in the hopes that she would sleep.

It took a while but she did eventually fall asleep. But not till almost 12noon. As a result, getting her to sleep that night took a little longer than it should.

Sunday she asked for it a few times again during the day. She also didn't have a sleep which made for a disastrous mothers group that afternoon, so we left early!

Due to her not having a day sleep, she was so exhausted that she fell asleep while drinking her bottle and she didn't breastfeed at all. I was rather saddened by this as I had been feeling so stressed out by her public outburst that I had really been looking forward to that night time feed as a way to comfort us both.

Today is Monday - day 6.

Had our morning feed and snuggles in bed this morning before work and I didn't want it to end. But I had to go to work so of course it ended.

Once I was home from work this arvo, she only asked for boob twice which is less than the last few days. She is also getting better at the rejection of the boob and is happy and excited when I offer her a bottle of milk instead. That certainly makes it easier and I think and hope that it means she is slowly learning that this is what happens now and we are slowly saying bye bye boobie.

Tonight while I was putting her to sleep, she was falling asleep while drinking her milk, which is great. It's what she almost always does, although pre-weaning, no matter how "asleep" she is during her bottle, when she's finished, she always rolls over and goes for the boob.

Tonight though, part of me was worried that she wouldn't want to go for the boob. I started thinking that maybe Saturday night would prove to be her last night feed after all. Given that she was too tired for boob last night and the fact that she seems to be accepting that she gets a bottle instead of boobie during the day, I thought, maybe she might have started to associate her night time bottle with the same prospect.

But then as she finished the last few mouthfuls of milk so turned her head and went for the boob. I was so happy.

However, shortly after thinking about how happy I was, she stopped and just lay in my arms asleep. She breastfed for about 20 seconds all up.

I guess given that the end result is for her to be weaned then it is a good thing, but I still can't help feel sad about the fact that one day, very soon, we will no longer be breastfeeding.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Upcoming Surgery and what it means

I don’t really know where to start so there isn’t really any kind of beginning to this entry.

Although given the nature of the subject, it seems fairly fitting as the beginning was a long, long time ago....almost 25 years ago now, and it is just one continuous journey with all its ups and downs.

I’m talking of course, about my Poland Syndrome.

For a while now I have been requiring a fourth surgery.

Back in 2007, I wrote a rather raw and honest post about this and I needed more surgery back then. Four years later, I am finally going to be having that surgery.

I am booked in for mid November and will be having surgery at the hospital I was born at.

I am super duper excited about my pending surgery; I will be counting down the days!

However, with my surgery, I will need to stop breastfeeding Muffin.

Yesterday marked the beginning of the end of our breastfeeding journey. She is 19 months old.

I will be weaning her slowly. Mum has advised me that I should start with cutting out all day feeds and just stick to one in the morning and one at night. If ever she goes for the boob, just offer her a bottle of milk.

After a week or two, when she seems OK with it, I should drop the night feed. And then within another week or two, I should drop the morning feed.

She should be fully weaned within the next 2 months.

It was so heartbreaking yesterday afternoon. When she went for it, I offered her the bottle but she got angry and threw it away, trying to claw her way through my clothes. I held them tight and persisted with the bottle until she eventually threw a tantrum on the floor next to me. I felt horrible. I couldn’t even comfort her because she would just want to breastfeed and is too young to understand why something she’s always been able to have is now being taken away from her.

I go back to see my surgeon on the 18th October and then that should be it until the surgery date.

I can’t wait.

I can’t wait to be normal again.

Unfortunately, Mr.J has been unable to take annual leave from work so this will make it a much more challenging experience as Muffin will still need constant care and supervision and then of course when I am out of hospital, I will be as good as useless in terms of my physical strength.

Luckily though, our parents will band together and take it in turns to come and stay over to assist us with this so it won’t be too bad.

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