topbella

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Nothing Else Matters

Nothing Else Matters...

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever Trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Recently something happened in my life. Something that, at the time, I knew was probably going to happen - and I was fine with it, at the time, but after the reality sunk in and I actually thought about what had happened, I realised I wasn't so fine with it…

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

I started feeling insecure and scared…I guess at the time I hadn't thought all the way through the consequences and the outcome of what was about to happen…and then when I did I felt physically sick, like I wanted to expel all the vile from within me. I tried to deal with this on my own. I didn't want to tell the people involved how I felt. One person in particular, Mr.J. I didn't want him to know how I was feeling - for my own reasons, so I bottled all the emotions inside of me…I pushed them far, far away to the deep and dark places in my heart and soul and I kept them there…until I could keep them there no longer…

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

When I was finding it hard to open my eyes of a morning because they were sealed shut with dry tears and when I could no longer do particular things without shedding a tear, it was then that I realised I had to release these dark feelings from the depths of my soul. I had to trust in him but more importantly, I had to trust in myself…

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Speaking your mind and speaking the truth are hard things to do, especially when you are trying to protect a loved one by not speaking at all. But by trying to sacrifice my own happiness to save that of another, I learnt that I was just infecting the sadness into them like a plague. I knew what I had to do…

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

I let it all out. I opened up the gates to my hell and I released my demons. It was effortless, they just trickled off the tip of my tongue like the blood trickles off the point of a knife and out they went into the universe. I cried a lot, shed a lot of tears, released a lot of raw emotion. I cleansed my soul…

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Afterwards, I felt whole again. By releasing all my demons and emptying the darkness from my soul I was making room for love and affection again…

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

As we curled up on the lounge together to fall asleep in each others arms, I felt once again the security and blissful happiness that flows with being truly in love. The pure ecstasy that emanates from being able to express myself with 100% honesty to the people that matter the most and the awareness and the bravado from knowing that once again, everything is going to be OK and Nothing Else Matters…

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
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Ms Boop
Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy the intricate workings of my mind as much as I do. Love Betty xXx
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