topbella

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Obsession

It just dawned on me that I don't know how I'm going to make myself "look normal" when I eventually leave the hospital and venture out in public...

Why am I so hung up on this obsession with "looking normal"?

I'm usually so spirited and carefree about everything in my life, not giving a damn what people think. Yet with this, I can't seem to accept who I truly am....

Why do I continue to let it get to me? Why can't I accept myself?

Monday, November 7, 2011

Busways

I hate sitting next to strangers on the bus.

Ever since I was little, I’ve had this “fear” of sitting next to strangers on public transport.

As a kid, I remember whenever we went on adventures with our parents, the carriage would be practically empty, and we’d go and sit right in with all the other people...I never understood that.

Sure, “safety in numbers” and all that but I mean c’mon, mum was there – who was gunna touch us while mum was there?

For the most part, I’ve avoided public transport and if I’ve ever had to use it, I’ve managed to avoid sharing a seat with a stranger, but now that I'm working, I have to catch the bus to work every day and it just isn’t big enough for all of us to have our own seat.

They should at least put an arm rest or barrier of some sort in between the bum spaces so that we don’t have to touch.

There is nothing worse than sitting right next to someone on the bus and with every bump and turn, your legs rub up against each other in a seductive, slightly suggestive manner. The hairs on your arms intertwine in some kind of sordid love affair and if you turn your head ever so slightly in their direction, you can probably smell their breath.

Hell forget the arm rest, can we all not be fitted with our own protective bubble?

And don’t get me started on The Sneezer...or The Sniffer....or The Cougher...Then there’s the pervert, the bag lady who takes up 3 seats, the man that smells like last night’s curry and the lonely old lady who makes you miss your stop because you feel rude to get up and leave midsentence of her telling you about that time she made Sheppard’s pie for dinner back in 1976.

It’s not all bad though...I must admit, with my chaotic lifestyle as a working mother, I do enjoy being able to sit still for a small period of time and just stare out the window while my iPod blasts music in my ears, distracting me from all of life’s troubles................

You know what’s funny though? When the stranger comes and sits next to me on the bus, I feel rude that I’m listening to my iPod...I feel as though I should take out my ear phones and start up a conversation with the stranger...Or that I should take out the ear phones in case they wish to start up a conversation with me.

I don’t actually want to talk to anyone on the bus...In fact, I don’t like talking much at all in the mornings – to anyone!

And yet, I still feel rude.

But are they strangers? Each morning, the same group of people travel on the same bus to the same destination (or similar), day in and day out – we’re not really strangers on the bus any more...we’ve slowly become acquaintances without even knowing it.
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Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy the intricate workings of my mind as much as I do. Love Betty xXx
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