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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Door

I need to open up about something that is really disturbing me…and I cannot explain it…I’d really appreciate your thoughts and feedback on this as I am completely puzzled.

All my life, from child hood to now, I have had what I could only describe as a recurring dream. The only thing about this dream is that in this dream I can be with different people or a different person, and it’s not always the some place. The main ‘theme’ of the dream that makes me call it a recurring dream is that at one point in the dream in whatever place or location or building or room that I am in, there is a secret door. Not a human sized door…it’s a lot smaller but I can still fit through it.

Anyway, always in these dreams when I proceed through this door I find myself entering the most beautiful place imaginable. Everything is white – pure, clean, bright white and tidy and its just so breathtakingly beautiful…its quite hard to explain it properly, I’m sure what you’re imagining now is no where near as spectacular as this place is in my dreams but it’s a place where you would expect angels to live – it’s a heaven and a haven and it has a warm feel about it and a sort of soft glow…

There is never anyone else in this place, just me and whoever I am with in the dream. But each and every time I have this dream, which I think I’ve had easily over a thousand times, every time I find The Door I say to whoever I’m with “OH MY GOD!! I’ve dreamt of this place so many times before but now it’s real! I'm really here!!!’ and each time, the dream feels real, so real! And every morning, I wake up and realise that it wasn’t real. Again it was just a dream. I’m always left feeling sad that it wasn’t real but at the same time I feel a strange comfort in my waking life after having been inside this special realm in my dreams.

It is like another realm, almost, and its not just one room, it is a whole place…it has gorgeous bathrooms, and lounges and sitting areas and there’s always a white grand piano somewhere and just so many things that in my waking life I cant begin to describe but each time I have the dream, and each time I think its real, its all there and its all just so beautiful.

Just off the top of my head some places where I have been in my dreams where I have found The Door have been the markets – The Door was just sitting on a shelf, at my nanna's house – the door was in her closet (although in my dream her house was not actually anything like her house in real life), someone’s wardrobe – The Door is usually up high, on the top shelf of the wardrobe, in a room in an apartment building – I cant remember where I found the door in this dream…but when I see it, I always know it is “The Door”.

Anyway, two nights ago I had the dream again. I was at a house with two friends. I can’t remember who they were and I can’t remember who’s house we were at – it was either my parents house, or one of my friends houses. But again, as always I thought it was real life – it felt real and I was saying to my friends “oh my god, I can’t believe I’m here, The Door is here and this time it is real! This time I know its not a dream!” and last night The Door was at the top of the parents wardrobe…because I can’t remember who’s house we were at I don’t know if it was my parents wardrobe or my friends but it was a house I had never been in before in real life. But anyway I went to go to The Door but my friends were trying to talk me out of it but I was saying “Its OK, I’ve dreamt of this place millions of times before, everything will be OK but we HAVE to go inside – I’m so close now. This is it!” but they didn’t want me to go in. Anyway next thing I remember another friend appears, I think it was Ivy (My Bestie <3 agreed.="" and="" at="" believe="" betty="" don="" door.="" go="" her="" i="" its="" k="" know="" lets="" looked="" me="" ou="" p="" real="" said="" says="" she="" t="" the="" through="" you="">
We left our other friends and headed for the bedroom where The Door was waiting…I don’t know why but the moment had this feeling of urgency…like I was running out of time to go through The Door…so we hurried along and we made it. I started moving things in the wardrobe so I could get to The Door only when I got there, The Door had shrunk…now it was too small…about the size of a Chinese take away container…I tried to open The Door but it seemed jammed…I couldn’t open it properly…I tried to get in and I couldn’t. I tried going feet first. I thought if I put a small part of my body, such as my foot through The Door then it would make it grow bigger again – back to its normal size, so I could go through but it didn’t work, I couldn’t get in.

I felt heavy when I awoke and could hardly budge…I was weighed down by a feeling of disappointment and there was a strong feeling of despair washing over me and I am so deeply disturbed by the fact that for the first time in my life I couldn’t get through The Door.

Why couldn’t I get through The Door?

I need to figure out what the dream means, what the meaning of The Door is, what the meaning of this special place is and why, for the first time in almost 22 years, I could not enter my secret world.

Your thoughts are extremely appreciated.

Thanks
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Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy the intricate workings of my mind as much as I do. Love Betty xXx
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