topbella

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Into the Night

Ok so I’ve just finished work and its 12:46 in the middle of the night.

I’ve spent all day being so friggen tired n now that I've just done 5 hours of hard-as work I'm wide awake but I know that I need to get some sleep as I have to get up in less than 4 hours for work at my day job!

So I figured I’d write a new blog – that might make me sleepy.

My blog is about the current situation. That being I work days AND some/most nights giving me an average of 3 – 4 hours sleep a night and Mr.J has just recently started working night shift. As most of you will know I’m scared of the dark and cant sleep alone at night (I’m sure you all remember ‘07 when Mr.J was shipped to Queensland for work for 2 weeks – I didn’t sleep at all!).
Ok so as a result of that I’m getting less sleep plus I’ve had extra hours at woollies so it’s just really hard at the moment.

Anyway when Mr.J first went on night shift it meant that I now had to learn how to be a big girl! I had to put on my big girl knickers and get over it!

The steps to becoming a big girl:

Step 1:

The first step is actually surviving being home alone at night for a full night. This does not include having to do anything else – we have to take baby steps. All this step entails is making sure nothing is broken or damaged, the place is still standing and I am alive when Mr.J walks through our front door first thing in the morning.

Result:

1 week in and each night I have managed to competently achieve step one. Awesome!!

Step 2:

Try and sleep anyway I can. That’s pretty much it – I know I can survive all night on my own so surely its got to be easier to do whilst asleep…the only problem is I have trouble sleeping on my own – I hear noises and think stupid thoughts which in turn, occupies my mind therefore preventing me from falling into a nice relaxed sleep. So the best way I know how to fall asleep is to liquor up and turn on the telly.

Result:

After lying awake for 2 hours I managed to fall asleep around 3am for the first few nights – whether I was working or not! A few nights later it went to 2am…so I’m getting an extra hour so that’s good.

Step 3:

Be comfortable to be awake and asleep with the balcony door open.I have been suffocating for the past week and a bit because while I am sleeping on the lounge and it is like 25° + each night lately I’m too scared to open the glass door to the balcony for 2 reasons; (a) I hear more noises that scare me even more and (2) I worry that someone will get in – I know we’re on the top floor but these things still happen!!

Result:

Ok well I am scaring myself just thinking about those bad things in step 3 and tonight is my first night at trialling step 3 so I probably shouldn’t scare myself. Also I picked a shit night to do it as its windy-ish and stormy-ish and the wind is making the BBQ cover make ruffling noises which makes me think there’s someone out there and the soft rain droplets that I hear every now and then on the metal rail of the balcony also scares me! Dammit! I think I’m gunna have to drink a fair bit tonight to actually fall asleep/pass out easier!

I will have to let you know if I am able to achieve my goal and complete step 3.

Step 4:

Sleeping in my own bed!
Ok so from the first few steps we’ve learnt that I’ve been sleeping on the lounge since Mr.J started nightshift but since he will be doing it for a while I need to learn to sleep in my own bed without the TV.

Result:

I won’t be able to give a result on this until I have accomplished step 3 – as I said before, baby steps! One step at a time.

Step 5:

Sleeping in my own bed, with the door to the balcony open for fresh air.

Result:

Same as result for step 4.

Anyway this is sort of scaring me a lil thinking about it, so I’m gunna mix myself another drink and maybe watch some Spongebob to occupy my mind!

Fuck! I just heard something on the balcony………….

Ok it must’ve just been a leave or something! Argh damn this!

And the hardest part is that we live in a unit so we hear everything! Especially at this time of night when everything in the town is quiet making small household noises louder…whenever anyone shuts a door, pees in the toilet, turns on a tap, farts…I hear it and cant tell where its coming from.
Its not until I’ve checked through every room with all the lights on carrying a butchers knife that I can be certain I am safe once again!

Ok so good night and if you’re awake lemme know hehe

Fingers crossed I can get some kind of sleep!

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