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Friday, January 13, 2017

The Juju Incident


Ahh the Juju….Still convinced it is one of this century’s greatest inventions. To date I have converted two friends to the Juju life and I think they love it as much as I do.
> See The First Installment Here <
But let’s be real…like everything in life, even the greatest of things are not without their humorous woes of unfortunate occurrences…so let me retell “the incident”. Following are actual messages I sent to a handful of my closest girlfriends during “the incident” It was a Saturday and I was working at a public venue:

Omg omg omg this can't be happening. I'm at the venue. I have my period. I always use the disabled toilet down here because 1) I know there are no disabled people currently at this venue and our area is closed to the public and 2) I don't like people hearing me pee. Plus I like the space and privacy of having a bathroom to use.

I've just gone to pee and the toilet is locked. Not in use. Just not yet unlocked by the venue... Shit. I head off to the shared bathroom and discover my juju has leaked.

I now NEED a private bathroom to rinse it and readjust. I walk around till I find one upstairs. I feel bad using it as this is the public area and there could well be a disabled person who needs it. But I NEED it, so I go in.

Juju is in a really weird place. Hard to reach. Hard to grasp. In an effort to try and get a good grip, I grab the tail with my nails and I am just about to insert a finger from my other hand to pop it out but I squeezed too tight or dug in too much with my nails and it broke off. And I can't get it out...... So now I'm just sitting here in the disabled toilet trying to calm down in the hopes that I can magically get it out without the tail end......for Fuck Sake!!!

Later that moment:
ok update... In sitting there typing all that out, I've managed to calm down enough and it has in fact miraculously moved into a better place for removal.

So I take it out but the sink is sort of faraway...too far to scurry to with my pants around my ankles, it is a public bathroom after all. So I lean over to hitch my pants up half way but in doing so, I accidentally tipped the cup and poured blood all over the floor!! Whoops.

I scuttle over to the sink with my pants halfway up my legs and wash out my juju, scuttle back to the toilet and re-insert it, fix my clothes and then clean the floor and thoroughly wash my hands.

But now because the soft, round tip is broken off, I can feel the tail ....

Thankfully, a few months back when I converted a friend to the Juju Life, when she ordered hers, I just willy nilly ordered a second one. You get free postage for a certain amount so I thought, why the hell not. And thank god I did because I was able to throw that Juju out and start using the new one…I will not be taking extra care to try not to pinch the tail too tight with my nails.

Even after this ordeal….I still claim the Juju way is the ONLY way.

 

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