Wednesday, October 3, 2007

THE PLAGUE - God Must Hate Me...

OH MY GOD... What have I done to deserve this?

It all started as a normal morning, I got to work, had my breakfast upstairs in mum's office, then sat down at my desk preparing for a nice, normal day of work.

I had been sitting at my desk for all of 5 minutes when it started...THE PLAGUE...

I saw something outside that caught my attention so I walked over to the front door to take a look when inside the building on the floor next to the door I saw a half dead moth flailing around...Now just a quick update for those of you that don't know me – I HATE MOTHS...I am absolutely petrified of them!!!!! So anyway that moth was half dead so I knew it wasn't going to attack me so I quickly got my spray (I always keep it close by) and I drowned the bastard.

After I was certain it was dead, I had forgotten what I originally wanted to see outside so I started walking back towards my desk...when I saw it – ANOTHER MOTH!!! And this one was a biggen! So I ran to my desk and called answer, so I called she came like a trooper! I gave her the spray and as she was killing that one, I saw another one fly around her and hide in the plant.....I had been taking a phone call at the time so couldn't call out to her to warn her and then by the time I got off the phone it was hiding somewhere and so we assumed it dead from all the fumes in the air as a result of all the mortein. Thanking Ms.A, I noticed that my can was getting a little low on poison so I gave mums phone another call to ask her to bring me some from stock. She still wasn't answering but just as I was hanging up I saw another moth! I wasn't sure if it was the same one or another one so I just sprayed at it for me to do this is pretty tough – im so scared and for some reason when im trying to kill them they fly at me on the attack!!! As I could no longer get through to Ms.A I had to do it myself....just then, the phone rang...."holy shit" I thought, "im going to have to talk to someone in a calm voice and be off my guard..." luckily, it was only mum.... "You called me twice, what did you want?" "There's another moth mum.......and bring more spray!!!!!"

By this stage I was starting to panic! I had just fought off 2 killer moths by myself, Ms.A had killed one for me and then all of a sudden an ugly looking cockroach was starting to crawl under the front door!!!"

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO THIS PLACE?" I screamed...I was getting really hot under the collar and a lil sweaty around the arm pits but I kept my cool because mum came to the rescue....

But just when I thought it was Ok...just when I thought mum would kill this moth and I could go back to normal....I WAS WRONG....Another 5 just suddenly appeared out of no where! And they were big fuckers – angry too!! So there's mum standing near the coffee table and lounges with a can of Pea Beau, im standing between my desk and the stairs with my can of Mortein and they're coming at us left right and centre....I was so freaking scared I couldn't take it any more.....Just as I went to bolt up the stairs Handy Man came in, saw all the commotion and offered to help. Handy Man was killing em with his bare hands – it really was a battlefield....for every one that we killed another 2 or 3 would appear.

We killed off about 30 – 40 (and im not exaggerating) and it seemed as though the coast was clear...but every time I tried to calm down and sit back at my desk one or two would appear.............I was soooo scared and I got really hot and sweaty I was that scared! I couldn't stay there, it was just was like the calm before the storm.......Mum and/or Handy Man or whoever was on Moth Patrol with me would leave – trying to get some of their work done, I would stand there with the pea beau trying to calm myself down....telling myself that we killed them all and that it was all OK, I would finally reach a centre of calm within myself, start slowly walking to the desk to sit back down when they would come out again!

Honestly – I can only think of 3 explanations for this!

  1. They had an army waiting inside and outside the fort waiting for me to be alone and let my guard down.
  2. They were robot moths and didn't die and we were just trying to kill about 30 of the same creatures

I honestly feel it's the latter....but why? Why god why? I was so terrified...I felt so physically sick I thought I was going to vomit....

I went upstairs to Boss and I just said "I can't take this any more. I need to sit somewhere else or im going to have to go home" I was in tears and I couldn't breathe. I have scratches all over my neck and arms from where I was just freaking was fucking terrible.

So Boss organised for the IT guy to set up my account on someone else's computer (while she's on leave) and I transferred the phones to this desk...I am now no where near reception or the killer moths....I feel much better now – although after all this excitement I am a little worn out and have a bit of a headache but hopefully I should be OK...for now.....

One thing I am worried about though is tomorrow....What happens now that I am not there to protect my office – those moths will start accumulating and hanging out in reception, I wont know they're there so they wont be killed and they'll hide there till I arrive at work tomorrow and they'll attack while im un prepared...Because of my bad memory I will probably have forgotten all about it by the time I arrive tomorrow.....although you know what? Somehow I don't think I will forget....It was pretty terrible... I just need to suppress this memory and try to move on with my life and hope to god that I do not need to go into battle again tomorrow.

I may need to get another job if this keeps up – one that is secure from creatures of the outside world.....................

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