As she adapted to having no more day feeds, I stopped the night feeds. She adapted nicely and on the weekend I decided that we would have our last morning breastfeed, and our last ever breastfeed this morning.
On Tuesday and Wednesday however, she was still asleep when I had to get up for work and as a result, I didn't have time to breastfeed her.
I was rather upset by this as I had planned to keep feeding all week and wanted to savor these last boobie snuggles. I also didn't know if this meant she had decided within herself to wean and be done with it.
Confused and not entirely sure what I should do, I decide that I should avoid confusion and take it as a sign that our breastfeeding journey was finished. So on Thursday morning when she woke up and asked for boob, I did say no and as much as it broke my heart, she was OK with it.
After saying no to her, I spent the day feeling really sad and upset that it didn't end how I wanted it to and that I didn't savor what I thought was our last feed on Monday, as much as I should have.
So this morning, Friday the 9th of September, when we woke up and she asked for boob, I sat down with her on the lounge and we had our last ever breastfeed.
I asked Mr.J to give me the camera and I took a few photos and talked to her during our snuggles and made it special and I told her how much I've loved (oh god I'm crying!)...
....Told her how much I've loved breastfeeding her for the last 20 months and that she has grown into a beautiful little girl and that I love her.
I'm glad I did it one last time this morning, so I could make it special and savor the moment. I'm still really sad about it and no doubt, will take time to 'grieve' but I *think* I've made my peace with it.
Now it's time to focus on my upcoming surgery and the rest of the wonderful experiences that I will have with my little girl.
I Love You Muffin
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