topbella

Thursday, September 25, 2008

OH MY GOD - BREAKING NEWS!!!

OK so in my previous blog, I was prompted to blog about such a topic because of an attack that i was subjected to by a moth this morning down near security at work.

WELL - When Security Officer tried to kill the moth for me first he tried to spray, and as we know - to no avail. Then he tried to capture it but the bastard just wouldn't be caught! So in the end he managed to smoosh it with a tissue!!

Now, I said to Security Officer this morning, "Make sure you smoosh it completely - don't let it live! You have to smoosh its guts out - literally...break its neck....whatever you have to do to ensure its dead!!"

And he said "I promise you, its dead!"

And I said "Well you'd wanna make sure cuz if its not, then you've just pissed it off and put it in the bin in your office, giving it easy access to come back for you!"

I was just down there talking with Security Officer and guess what???

IT CAME BACK TO LIFE...AGAIN!!!! DIRTY LITTLE FUCKER!!!

I know this shit! Robots - or Aliens!!! they can only be destroyed by complete mutilation!!!

Moth Season is Approaching...

Oh No…its that time of year again…
Just a quick heads up for those that don’t know me or might be new to my blog scene, I have a ridiculously massive, massive, massive, humungous fear of moths.....
Yes that’s right, moths. Those ugly furry things that fly around and I know it sounds silly…and at times I think, “yeh im fine with it, it doesn’t bother me, they cant hurt me, whatever” but when I am face to face with one I just freak out!!
I’m sure you all remember last years Plague…for those that did not read about that, be sure to check out my older entries:

ºTHE PLAGUE - GOD MUST HATE ME
º Update on … THE PLAGUE
º OMG Scary Stuff

I am still haunted by the plague…I still have nightmares about it sometimes…or sometimes when I’m at work, and there’s no one else around, I feel as though it might be happening again, like they are watching me from the dark shadows, waiting to make their move…
There was an incident at work this morning, there was a big ugly moth on the wall near where I sort the morning mail…I quickly ran into security’s office and had Security Officer kill it for me…he didn’t want to do it but it was the only option to save me.
The thing is the only way you can really kill them is by squashing them! As gross as it sounds no amount of mortein or bug-killing-spray-stuff will work…sometimes it may paralyse them for a few moments - they fall to the ground and flail around for a bit but then within seconds they are back up and flying around only this time, they’re angrier! And they know you’re after them so they are even harder to catch!!! I think they are robots of some kind - or aliens…
I can’t say im not worried about this summer, because, that would be a lie. I am worried…even though I have been told by many people that last years plague is something that doesn’t happen every year and to be honest besides last year, I cant remember the last time we were hit with such a plague so that’s comforting in one way - on the other hand though, it still disturbs me to know that at some stage in my life in the future, this could happen again. SO I think in the meantime I need to come up with some kind of super power bug-killing-spray-stuff that works first time, every time…maybe it could cover them in the spray and then the liquid eats away at them and then they explode! That way I would know for sure that they were dead…(I’ll take any suggestions thanks)
While I do love this time of year for the warmth and longer days, I hate the moth season and of course, Christmas beatles!! Especially those really big chunky green ones…scary!
Anyway, I just wanted to get my thoughts out there…and I hope you can all protect me this summer from the moths.
Peace Out
~ºBetty Boopº~

Friday, January 11, 2008

My Boogie Man

So...

Here I am.
Trying to be a grown up.
Trying to handle being home alone.

Went to the shops. Got some wine. Ordered Indian. Ate.
Sat down on my bean bag. Began to study.
No music... No TV… Silence…


I hear keys.

I don't worry. I hear keys all the time. My apartment door is right next to the communal elevator.

The keys get louder.

For a moment I think Mr.J has come home early to surprise me. I stop and think.

I have his keys.

The key is now sliding in the lock. There is someone there.

They are turning the key. They push on the door. I start to sweat. I can feel the panic rising in my entire being….Thoughts start racing through my mind. Did I lock the door? Did I take my keys out of the door? Who the fuck is there?

I want to scream at them. I want to say something. Anything. I have no words. I have no voice.

I hear them. Turning the handle. Trying the key again. Shaking the door. It wont budge.

Will it?

I race down the hallway. Grab the phone from my bedroom. Jump in my wardrobe. Call my mum. There is nothing she can do. She is miles away.

I turn on the TV. Loudly. I call the police. I call Ms.K.

"someone is trying to get in"

"im on my way"

I pack a bag. Drink more wine. Smoke a cigarette. She arrives. The police arrive. Nothing they can do.

We leave.

I am safe.

Goodbye Boogie Man

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

What About Ben?

What about Ben?

Computer nerd

Married

Mid - 20's

More sex appeal in his little toe than some guys have in their whole bodies

Yet not the sexiest guy out there…

What is it about Ben that people cant seem to get enough of

Everyone wants his attention

Everyone loves to flirt with him

He loves to flirt with everyone

But if it's with you its always so much more meaningful right?

He's always on her mind

He see's the way she looks at him

She see's the way he looks at her

Is he just being playful

She doesn't know

She quivers when they make eye contact

She feels a pulse where she shouldn't

She wants him

He lingers in her thoughts

She dreams about him

Naughty dreams

She wants him even more

Why

What power does he possess that all the others don't

No one knows

No one will ever know

For he has left

Gone

He may return again

He may not

But he will forever be in her mind

In her head


In her dreams

But what about Ben?

Monday, December 31, 2007

OMG Scary Stuff!!

So I'm not working today-which is great-I woke up and did a bit of house work and then I was outside having a smoke and I saw a MOTH in the crack of the glass door (on the outside luckily) but all the same it was a moth and I knew that if I left it there - it was going to attack me (because that's what they do)!

So, I came in and sussed out my plan of attack…I was going to open the screen door just enough to fit my arm and a can of mortein through, then spray the shit out of it with the mortein and then really quickly and stealthily shut the door so it wouldn't fly at me or fly in the house….. Sounds good right?

Ok Action Time!!

I opened up the screen door wide enough to fit my arm through...

I lined up the mortein…

And then I sprayed and sprayed at the moth...

But all of a sudden it flew (somewhere) and my military confidence vanished, I freaked out and then the screen door fell off the hinges!!!

I didn't get to see where the fuckin moth went and I couldn't re attach the door…….OH GOD!!So I had to hold the door – reach inside and grab my phone to ring Mr.J and find out how to put it back on…

He said I need to be on the outside and then slide the top bit in first and then the bottom would slide back into place!

This meant I would have to venture outside...who knows where this moth could be hiding...

So I placed the door against the wall, ran back through my house and into my bedroom and went out side from the bedroom door… I then started slowly creeping along my balcony – keeping watch for the moth incase it didn't fly away and it was hiding, waiting to makes it move…when the phone rang and scared the shit out of me forcing me to bolt back inside through the bedroom door only to get tangled in the curtains and fall onto the bed and then roll off that and onto the floor…

Sheesh! What a day!!

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Friday Night Shenanigans

You know you've had a good 'night-before' when you wake up at 10am with a thumping head, a disgusting taste and feeling of stale cigarettes and alcohol stuck in the centre of your throat and the first memory you have is of walking…or rather stumbling around saying over and over again to the exact same people, "fuck me, I'm drunk!"

After work on Friday arvo I headed over to Ms.A's place to get ready for a party we were attending in the city for one of our suppliers at work. The night didn't seem to start off at all promising…after being jumped on by Bob (Ms.A's puppy) in the black pants I was planning to wear, I spent a good fifteen minutes in the bathroom washing out tiny paw prints and drying them off with a hair dryer, then while holding them up to study my good 'blow job' I accidentally dropped them on the floor – but not just anywhere on the floor…right in the wet spot that Ms.A had left when she got out of the shower moments earlier…Out with the hair dryer again…

When 5 different outfit combinations had been tried on and discarded, Ms.A was finally dressed in what she was going to wear, so off we headed on the slow and painful journey that would lead us to our destination.

I'm going to interrupt myself for a moment here to explain to anyone who (a) did not witness the god-almighty storm that hit Sydney about half an hour before this or (b) doesn't live in Sydney and can not even fathom how difficult and unfortunate it is to drive into the city…but to put it simply – IT'S A BITCH...if you're visiting this city for any reason, I beg of you for god sakes, catch a train!!!

We left right at peak hour going through all the main roads on which about 50% of the traffic lights were blacked out from the storm and there were police officers standing around guiding traffic from all sides of the intersection to get people through, only for some reason this always makes people drive slower…two hours, 6 cigarettes, 15 "get out of my way you mother fucker" 's and 20 blacked out traffic lights later, we arrived in the hell hole that just happens to be one of Sydney's biggest tourist attractions and weekend party zones – our city.

With all the "no right turn" signs, one-way streets (going against our direction) and bloody stupid peak-hour traffic drivers, we finally managed to make it to the very end of George Street to get around the block and then into Pitt Street in search of the Civic Hotel. Once we spotted the hotel, we needed to find a park…it was getting to the point where it didn't seem worth it any more and we were just about ready to turn around (if the street signs would allow us) and head for home, when finally we found a parking station…down we go, and around, and down some more, and around some more…this place was like a freakin maze…but anyway we eventually reached the boom gates where we could collect our ticket when we learnt that its one of the expensive parking stations and to stay for only 3 hours was going to cost us $36!!! Rip off…only problem was after finding our way down the maze-like ramp to get there, there was no way out…we had no choice but to get a ticket…so we did….we then continued to drive through the labyrinth – also known as a "car park"…to find a pay station so we could get the hell out of there and find cheaper parking…turns out there isn't a pay station – at least not in visible view of humans – but as we got to the exit gate, it took our ticket with no charge…thank god! Finally things were starting to go our way…Once out of there we drove around the block and found another parking station – this time with an $8 flat rate – closing at 1am. Perfect!

First things first – get through the crowds of people gathered at the opening of the club, get a stamp on our hands to get into the function room and get some wine!! After that things started to run smoothly, alcohol began to flow freely, simple conversation skills began to fade quickly and every one was having a good time…The only down side for Ms.A was that all but one tray of canapés were full of meat of some kind…being a vegetarian, designated driver and having not have eaten anything all day…3 very delicious, yet very small rice paper rolls with spinach and ricotta didn't do a good job at filling her up and she had a teeny headache coming into the end of the party.

Funny story – we were in the (unisex) toilets at one stage, Ms.A and I, taking photos (as you do), when we noticed two gentlemen enter so accordingly we took some photos of them, had a chat, did our business and went back outside to drink some more…somewhere near an hour later Ms.G was slurring to me that I should go up to the Big Boss of the company that were throwing the party and thank him for a good night, tell him that he has chosen a great venue and everything is just fantastic and basically be a bit of a suck up to keep up the good rapport our company has with his…I had only had maybe 5 or 6 wines and I know that I do get rather (EXTREMLY) drunk off wine but I didn't feel it at the time, I do have great people skills, I really was having a grand time and the venue was infact splendid so since I was going to be telling him all things true, I figured it'd be alright…So I said "no worries…point him out" She turned to a gentleman wearing a black shirt and said "that's him"…And who should it be, but none-other than the man I referred to as "duuuuudddeee" while taking his photograph – in the toilets!!! I almost wet myself laughing as I said to Ms.G "I'm pretty sure that I've already made a good enough impression!!"

Anyway a few minutes shy of midnight we said our good byes and Ms.A walked while I attempted to walk back to the carpark, paid our parking fee and then headed to the nearest petrol station for food and nurofen for Ms.A's headache.

On our way home, we got a text message from Ms.B – a girl from our work – saying she and her mate Ms.J were at the local having also just left a work function for Ms.J's work, so we figured "yeh lets meet them there". We went back to Ms.A's to get our membership cards and I needed to change as I was a little over dressed for drinks at the jerkers in the middle of the night.

Upon sourcing the girls out of the crowd, we went into the dance floor room (to which I never even knew existed in the whole 6 years of membership that I've had with this club) and stayed there till it closed off at about 3-ish (I think). After watching Ms.B and Ms.J dance like "mentally challenged" or just plain retarded idiots for about an hour we were then entertained watching this drunk guy – who had been eyeing them all night – casually start dancing closer and closer to them until he was close enough to pretend to be shocked that he's actually dancing with them and attempt to pick them up…Clearly wasted from a night of drinking he's obviously had himself, he didn't exactly succeed in his attempt to…hrm… I'm at a loss for words…I'm not actually sure what he was attempting…infact, I don't even think he was sure…Nonetheless he stuck around for the rest of our night dancing with the girls while Ms.A and I watched on in amusement…We did however, have our own weirdo try and pick us up during all this…only he was about 60-odd and very, very messed up from either a hard life or a lot of drugs and alcohol, or from my assumption – both!

Unfortunately for him, Ms.A and I still had our "fake" engagement rings on our 'ring finger' from the party in the city so it was decided that we would pass on his numerous offers of drinks and dancing being that we were 'married'. Strangely enough, just like the weirdo mesmerised with Ms.B and Ms.J, he also stuck around and just sat at the table behind us all night, possibly hoping that we'd forgotten that we'd already rejected him like 3 times and maybe he'll succeed each other time he tried!

Heading to bed at about 4am we were satisfied from a good night out and in dire need of some rest…

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Update on...THE PLAGUE

Well yesterday they were still on the attack in "The Battlefield" (formerly known as 'Reception') but I thought to myself "Self, don't be ridiculous! They're only moths! They can't hurt you and they will probably be gone by now" Well as you can imagine – I was wrong – AGAIN! But anyway I thought I should brave it and try and spend the day at my desk in "The Battlefield"…so I got down there, put my things on the desk, picked up the peabeau, picked up the mortein, and thank Cadbury I did – they must of heard me come in, cuz they came at me again at full force. I tried my hardest to spray at them but I was just getting too damned scared, I could no longer take it any more – especially after one nearly flew up my pants!!! I burst into tears and said they'd have to fire me if they were gunna force me to sit there!!! Mum gave me a big cuddle and agreed to swap desks with me for the day. I felt so safe in the vicinity of her office that I didn't leave it until about 2:30pm!! Now as you know I have a weak bladder and usually go to the toilet at least 10 times before 2pm but because my coffee mug was still at my desk from Tuesday (the first day of the battle) I was too scared to go get it so I hadn't had coffee for two days and I think it was starting to show-I was so lethargic yesterday (I even set our dinner table on fire - whoops)!

Anyway, so I had to leave mums office to go down to "The Battlefield" to retrieve the laminator…I got about 3 steps down when I broke out into a sweat I was absolutely terrified to my very core. Anyway I survived – only one flew at me before I bolted back up to the sanctuary that is mums office.

Now in all seriousness, I know it is a completely irrational fear. I know that they cannot hurt me, I know that I am like 17 times bigger then them – maybe even more, but when I'm down there, or near them and they are hiding and fluttering around and creeping up from behind me yelling rude words in my ear as they chase me around my desk I just cannot control my fear. I break out into a sweat and I burst into tears – it really is the worst feeling in the world and it makes me feel like a mental case.

I was worried for a while as I felt that this could be something that keeps me house bound – too afraid to venture out into the unknown (formerly known as 'outdoors') but as I was discussing this with mum she did inform me that this is in fact a plague, not sent down by God in his wrath of fury against me – much to my predictions, but that they will die off in a few days and life will go back to normal. Of course there will be normal moths flying around here and there but they're not too bad…they just sit in one place and don't torment me and they die straight away when you spray them – unlike these bogons that are still flying around after you've drowned them in a quarter of a can…(don't ask me how I know that…)

So anyway this morning, I get to work, go to eat my breakfast in mums office like I do every day, I open the door and there's one flying around in there. Oh man! Anyway it must have flown out cuz it was gone after a while – don't worry I did a thorough search. I decided to stay in mums office again for today – just to be on the safe side, and thank Cadbury I did! It turns out that mum was attacked by THREE today…One flew at her head from the side (getting her while she wasn't looking) and pushed her off her chair (honest to God that happened), another flew behind the computer monitor and then burst out and up into her face when she was trying to find it and another flew up her pants leg!!!!!!!!!!

Can you imagine if I had decided to sit in "The Battlefield" today and that happened to me? I would've been naked – or at least stripped to my lingerie in like 5 seconds and I would've screamed soooo loud that everyone would've thought it was the fire alarm going off!!! Holy cow!

I tell ya, they're sneaky bastards – conniving and tricky!!! We'll have to do another thorough search on Monday before I decide to sit anywhere….who knows what could happen…

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Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy the intricate workings of my mind as much as I do. Love Betty xXx
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