FUCK!
I swear to god I seriously think I might kill someone!
I don’t know if its coincidence or not but ever since I quit smoking at the beginning of this year, over three weeks ago, I have been extremely angry - at least, more so than usual…most people who know me well, will know that I am a naturally angry person. Not all the time of course, I'm rather happy and bubbly (as we should all be aware of by now) but I do have an aggressive side if provoked (hey, you piss off a Scorpio and they will sting you!).
But lately I’ve been noticing that I am so much more angry and aggravated to the point where I am concerned for the safety of other people when I’m around.
So this year I was meant to quit smoking and cure my speed addiction however since quitting smoking I have taken to speeding a hell of a lot more, which naturally, is increasing my road rage! I wrote a blog a little while ago about speeding / road rage but never posted it as I don’t think I could be bothered at the time, but while it was true, it was light-hearted and on the funny side, but fuck that, this shit is way more serious now!
I’m finding that the tiniest things that I would usually shrug off are making my blood boil so much! I grip at the steering wheel and cuss and curse until my head is just about to explode and then I fucking floor it when the opportunity arises just so I can get the fuck away from them before I ram my car so far up the arse of theirs that I'm literally flying out their nostrils! I'm so sick if dickheads racing to cut me off only to just slow the fuck down, stop on orange lights and let other people in front of us! And now because of that I'm only too determined to make sure nobody gets in front of me because they might slow me down - and 9 out of 10 times they fucking do! I’ve noticed that I am doing anywhere between 20-40 over the limit on a constant basis and my license expired and stayed expired for two weeks because did I have any time to renew it? NO and why was that? Because I was working 5 days plus 5 nights spread out over a 7 day week and the very RARE and Few nights that I had off I couldn’t go get my licence because the RTA was shut by the time I finished my day job and the only TWO half days I had off (I say half because I had to work weekend nights as fucking well) I still couldn’t go and get my licence because the stupid RTA is only opened till 12 on Saturdays and I couldn’t fucking wake up until about 2 hours before I had to go to my night job because I had been trying to catch up on the sleep that I missed out on during the fucking week!
I don’t know what to do - I honestly think I am going to have to seek medical help and get some kind of drug or therapy to help me channel my anger and a lot of it is built up as well because I cant take it out on my friends and loved ones as its not their fault that the world is full of stupid fuckwits and I cant take it out on complete strangers cuz that falls under some kind of “intent to harm” category of the law and I most certainly…
(Argh fuck off V! I swear to god that man cannot take a fucking hint! Every fucking day he asks how I am. Now if I snap back a very sharp and brisk “FINE” then it means ‘fuck off I'm not in the mood’ especially when I am typing like a maniac because I have so many fucking thoughts in my head that are racing faster then I can fucking type and then he stands there asking if I had a good weekend and when I accidentally slip up with a “no” he wants to know why! My god it is none of your business! I don’t know you, we’re not friends, you’re just that annoying Russian guy who I cannot understand and who constantly says you’ll buy me chocolate to cheer me up but never actually follows through with it! And NOW I can’t remember what the fuck I was in the middle of typing because you fucking interrupted me when I clearly displayed the most obvious “FUCK OFF” signs in body language that you will ever see!)
On another note I am so fucking sick of coming into work every couple of days only to notice that some c*nt has been going through my fucking stuff! My draws or the shit on my desk!!!!!!!! It is fucking disgusting that someone feels that it is OK for them to go through my shit!!! And they are obviously having a good fucking look - like this morning, all the shit in my draws was completely out of place!!! I know this for two reasons. The first being that I lay everything out in order of what I use the most - obviously that stuff being at the front and at the end of every day I put my notebook and my to-do-list book on top of everything as it’s the last thing I do in my draws, well today the note book was on top of the to-do-list and there was a very old packet of pills that I had found in a first aid kit a year and a half ago that I forgot I even had so they must’ve been at the very back of my draw and they were at the front and on top! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I am so sick of the bullshit that goes on in this place! And I know I complain about my job all the fucking time and I can understand how infuriating that is for you and I know I should leave but its not part of my plan! I just need to stick it out for a few more months until I’ve fallen pregnant and am about to burst and then I will quit this fuck-hole that some dickhead wants to call a ‘work place’! It is not a work place! I don’t know what I’d call it, but it is most certainly not a work place - maybe a slave yard…the dirty fuckers!! I have been with this shithole company for 2 and a half years! I started out as the receptionist when I was 19. I was then made redundant after a year and a half (stupid Germans) and so they moved me to a different (shitty) department where I do 5 times as much work (I got all these extra tasks associated with the new department PLUS I am still doing reception work - minus the phones) and yet I am still on the same fucking wages I was on as a 19 year old receptionist - I am now 22 how the fuck is that fair? Well I’ve decided fuck them I am only going to work at the same rate I am getting paid…and if they want to give me any extra work well they can but I can assure you I will not be going out of my way to get it done!!
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Into the Night
Ok so I’ve just finished work and its 12:46 in the middle of the night.
I’ve spent all day being so friggen tired n now that I've just done 5 hours of hard-as work I'm wide awake but I know that I need to get some sleep as I have to get up in less than 4 hours for work at my day job!
So I figured I’d write a new blog – that might make me sleepy.
My blog is about the current situation. That being I work days AND some/most nights giving me an average of 3 – 4 hours sleep a night and Mr.J has just recently started working night shift. As most of you will know I’m scared of the dark and cant sleep alone at night (I’m sure you all remember ‘07 when Mr.J was shipped to Queensland for work for 2 weeks – I didn’t sleep at all!).
Ok so as a result of that I’m getting less sleep plus I’ve had extra hours at woollies so it’s just really hard at the moment.
Anyway when Mr.J first went on night shift it meant that I now had to learn how to be a big girl! I had to put on my big girl knickers and get over it!
The steps to becoming a big girl:
Step 1:
The first step is actually surviving being home alone at night for a full night. This does not include having to do anything else – we have to take baby steps. All this step entails is making sure nothing is broken or damaged, the place is still standing and I am alive when Mr.J walks through our front door first thing in the morning.
Result:
1 week in and each night I have managed to competently achieve step one. Awesome!!
Step 2:
Try and sleep anyway I can. That’s pretty much it – I know I can survive all night on my own so surely its got to be easier to do whilst asleep…the only problem is I have trouble sleeping on my own – I hear noises and think stupid thoughts which in turn, occupies my mind therefore preventing me from falling into a nice relaxed sleep. So the best way I know how to fall asleep is to liquor up and turn on the telly.
Result:
After lying awake for 2 hours I managed to fall asleep around 3am for the first few nights – whether I was working or not! A few nights later it went to 2am…so I’m getting an extra hour so that’s good.
Step 3:
Be comfortable to be awake and asleep with the balcony door open.I have been suffocating for the past week and a bit because while I am sleeping on the lounge and it is like 25° + each night lately I’m too scared to open the glass door to the balcony for 2 reasons; (a) I hear more noises that scare me even more and (2) I worry that someone will get in – I know we’re on the top floor but these things still happen!!
Result:
Ok well I am scaring myself just thinking about those bad things in step 3 and tonight is my first night at trialling step 3 so I probably shouldn’t scare myself. Also I picked a shit night to do it as its windy-ish and stormy-ish and the wind is making the BBQ cover make ruffling noises which makes me think there’s someone out there and the soft rain droplets that I hear every now and then on the metal rail of the balcony also scares me! Dammit! I think I’m gunna have to drink a fair bit tonight to actually fall asleep/pass out easier!
I will have to let you know if I am able to achieve my goal and complete step 3.
Step 4:
Sleeping in my own bed!
Ok so from the first few steps we’ve learnt that I’ve been sleeping on the lounge since Mr.J started nightshift but since he will be doing it for a while I need to learn to sleep in my own bed without the TV.
Result:
I won’t be able to give a result on this until I have accomplished step 3 – as I said before, baby steps! One step at a time.
Step 5:
Sleeping in my own bed, with the door to the balcony open for fresh air.
Result:
Same as result for step 4.
Anyway this is sort of scaring me a lil thinking about it, so I’m gunna mix myself another drink and maybe watch some Spongebob to occupy my mind!
Fuck! I just heard something on the balcony………….
Ok it must’ve just been a leave or something! Argh damn this!
And the hardest part is that we live in a unit so we hear everything! Especially at this time of night when everything in the town is quiet making small household noises louder…whenever anyone shuts a door, pees in the toilet, turns on a tap, farts…I hear it and cant tell where its coming from.
Its not until I’ve checked through every room with all the lights on carrying a butchers knife that I can be certain I am safe once again!
Ok so good night and if you’re awake lemme know hehe
Fingers crossed I can get some kind of sleep!
I’ve spent all day being so friggen tired n now that I've just done 5 hours of hard-as work I'm wide awake but I know that I need to get some sleep as I have to get up in less than 4 hours for work at my day job!
So I figured I’d write a new blog – that might make me sleepy.
My blog is about the current situation. That being I work days AND some/most nights giving me an average of 3 – 4 hours sleep a night and Mr.J has just recently started working night shift. As most of you will know I’m scared of the dark and cant sleep alone at night (I’m sure you all remember ‘07 when Mr.J was shipped to Queensland for work for 2 weeks – I didn’t sleep at all!).
Ok so as a result of that I’m getting less sleep plus I’ve had extra hours at woollies so it’s just really hard at the moment.
Anyway when Mr.J first went on night shift it meant that I now had to learn how to be a big girl! I had to put on my big girl knickers and get over it!
The steps to becoming a big girl:
Step 1:
The first step is actually surviving being home alone at night for a full night. This does not include having to do anything else – we have to take baby steps. All this step entails is making sure nothing is broken or damaged, the place is still standing and I am alive when Mr.J walks through our front door first thing in the morning.
Result:
1 week in and each night I have managed to competently achieve step one. Awesome!!
Step 2:
Try and sleep anyway I can. That’s pretty much it – I know I can survive all night on my own so surely its got to be easier to do whilst asleep…the only problem is I have trouble sleeping on my own – I hear noises and think stupid thoughts which in turn, occupies my mind therefore preventing me from falling into a nice relaxed sleep. So the best way I know how to fall asleep is to liquor up and turn on the telly.
Result:
After lying awake for 2 hours I managed to fall asleep around 3am for the first few nights – whether I was working or not! A few nights later it went to 2am…so I’m getting an extra hour so that’s good.
Step 3:
Be comfortable to be awake and asleep with the balcony door open.I have been suffocating for the past week and a bit because while I am sleeping on the lounge and it is like 25° + each night lately I’m too scared to open the glass door to the balcony for 2 reasons; (a) I hear more noises that scare me even more and (2) I worry that someone will get in – I know we’re on the top floor but these things still happen!!
Result:
Ok well I am scaring myself just thinking about those bad things in step 3 and tonight is my first night at trialling step 3 so I probably shouldn’t scare myself. Also I picked a shit night to do it as its windy-ish and stormy-ish and the wind is making the BBQ cover make ruffling noises which makes me think there’s someone out there and the soft rain droplets that I hear every now and then on the metal rail of the balcony also scares me! Dammit! I think I’m gunna have to drink a fair bit tonight to actually fall asleep/pass out easier!
I will have to let you know if I am able to achieve my goal and complete step 3.
Step 4:
Sleeping in my own bed!
Ok so from the first few steps we’ve learnt that I’ve been sleeping on the lounge since Mr.J started nightshift but since he will be doing it for a while I need to learn to sleep in my own bed without the TV.
Result:
I won’t be able to give a result on this until I have accomplished step 3 – as I said before, baby steps! One step at a time.
Step 5:
Sleeping in my own bed, with the door to the balcony open for fresh air.
Result:
Same as result for step 4.
Anyway this is sort of scaring me a lil thinking about it, so I’m gunna mix myself another drink and maybe watch some Spongebob to occupy my mind!
Fuck! I just heard something on the balcony………….
Ok it must’ve just been a leave or something! Argh damn this!
And the hardest part is that we live in a unit so we hear everything! Especially at this time of night when everything in the town is quiet making small household noises louder…whenever anyone shuts a door, pees in the toilet, turns on a tap, farts…I hear it and cant tell where its coming from.
Its not until I’ve checked through every room with all the lights on carrying a butchers knife that I can be certain I am safe once again!
Ok so good night and if you’re awake lemme know hehe
Fingers crossed I can get some kind of sleep!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Attack of the Stomach
More from my previous blog...
OOook so it’s been almost a week since my last cigarette (new years day 09 lol) and I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or if what I think I'm seeing is real, but I'm becoming increasingly worried that I'm slowly starting to compensate for not smoking by eating…
People say that your taste buds change after you quit - well it hasn’t been long enough and even a few years back when I quit for 6 months I still saw no difference there but there is this big hooplah about how when you quit smoking you put on weight for 2 main reasons.
Now I know that I'm strong and I know that I can quit, cold turkey, no dramas….but if I start putting on weight, call me superficial, but I'm pretty sure I’ll take up smoking again (after having my kids of course, that being the main reason I quit in the first place) and I know that’s a terrible thing to say but it is something that’s bothering me.
For lunch today I decided I felt like subway - nice & healthy. Once I got into the restaurant I had this sudden urge to buy a foot long…I haven’t bought a foot long in over 2 years and even then the reason I bought a foot long was to have half for breakfast then half for lunch - not all at once. Then when it was my turn to be served, I asked for a foot long! (In amidst my dramatic battle in my head I do know that it could be much worse…I could’ve gone to maccas and bought 5 big macs!) Anyway so I finish ordering, get to the counter and she says “any drinks or cookies with that?” so really quickly I think “yeh I want a cookie” so I say “yes please, one chocolate and one m&m”
WHAT?? I ordered two??? Ok so I'm thinking still not THAT bad - one for the drive back to work n one for when I finish eating. Then she says “how about 3 for $2.50” so I'm like oh god “sure, surprise me!!” god dammit what is she doing to me?!?!
Whilst driving back to work, stuffing my face with cookie, I figured that there is probably no point in worrying cuz id just eaten one cookie and half of another (so I have an even amount of cookie to eat after my sub), and I normally feel extremely full and satisfied after just a 6inch sub so chances are I'm not even going to want the other half and ill eat it tonight or something.
I’ve almost finished the first half and I'm not even one teeny tiny bit full………I have a scary feeling I'm going to eat the other half and have had a full foot long for lunch - plus 3 cookies!!!
Another disturbing food-related issue.
Last night at work, after reading a comment from a friend on facebook about peppermint chocolate, I felt like a peppermint flavoured chocolate. That’s innocent enough right? So anyway, on my break I bought a peppermint crisp - I DON’T LIKE PEPPERMINT…but I ate the whole thing anyway. As well as that, for some ridiculous reason, based on a conversation from working on Sunday night, I felt like musk sticks, so I bought a bag.
Now, I don’t mind the occasional musk stick but after I had a few and started feeling sick I realised I didn’t actually feel like a whole bloody bag of them, but what worried me the most - I was holding them like cigarettes and didn’t even realise! It may just be nothing but I'm still going to try and hold it in my memory bank just incase I need to reference back to it.
Oh god I can’t stand it any longer……………I’m going to finish my sub!
Well anyway that’s my thoughts. I’m hoping its nothing and that its just coincidence but I am definitely going to keep an eye on it and if you’re ever out with me and think you may be noticing it too, feel free to tell me “No Betty. You’ve had enough cookies for one day.”
OOook so it’s been almost a week since my last cigarette (new years day 09 lol) and I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or if what I think I'm seeing is real, but I'm becoming increasingly worried that I'm slowly starting to compensate for not smoking by eating…
People say that your taste buds change after you quit - well it hasn’t been long enough and even a few years back when I quit for 6 months I still saw no difference there but there is this big hooplah about how when you quit smoking you put on weight for 2 main reasons.
You replace cigarettes with food
Smoking keeps your weight down
Now I know that I'm strong and I know that I can quit, cold turkey, no dramas….but if I start putting on weight, call me superficial, but I'm pretty sure I’ll take up smoking again (after having my kids of course, that being the main reason I quit in the first place) and I know that’s a terrible thing to say but it is something that’s bothering me.
For lunch today I decided I felt like subway - nice & healthy. Once I got into the restaurant I had this sudden urge to buy a foot long…I haven’t bought a foot long in over 2 years and even then the reason I bought a foot long was to have half for breakfast then half for lunch - not all at once. Then when it was my turn to be served, I asked for a foot long! (In amidst my dramatic battle in my head I do know that it could be much worse…I could’ve gone to maccas and bought 5 big macs!) Anyway so I finish ordering, get to the counter and she says “any drinks or cookies with that?” so really quickly I think “yeh I want a cookie” so I say “yes please, one chocolate and one m&m”
WHAT?? I ordered two??? Ok so I'm thinking still not THAT bad - one for the drive back to work n one for when I finish eating. Then she says “how about 3 for $2.50” so I'm like oh god “sure, surprise me!!” god dammit what is she doing to me?!?!
Whilst driving back to work, stuffing my face with cookie, I figured that there is probably no point in worrying cuz id just eaten one cookie and half of another (so I have an even amount of cookie to eat after my sub), and I normally feel extremely full and satisfied after just a 6inch sub so chances are I'm not even going to want the other half and ill eat it tonight or something.
I’ve almost finished the first half and I'm not even one teeny tiny bit full………I have a scary feeling I'm going to eat the other half and have had a full foot long for lunch - plus 3 cookies!!!
Another disturbing food-related issue.
Last night at work, after reading a comment from a friend on facebook about peppermint chocolate, I felt like a peppermint flavoured chocolate. That’s innocent enough right? So anyway, on my break I bought a peppermint crisp - I DON’T LIKE PEPPERMINT…but I ate the whole thing anyway. As well as that, for some ridiculous reason, based on a conversation from working on Sunday night, I felt like musk sticks, so I bought a bag.
Now, I don’t mind the occasional musk stick but after I had a few and started feeling sick I realised I didn’t actually feel like a whole bloody bag of them, but what worried me the most - I was holding them like cigarettes and didn’t even realise! It may just be nothing but I'm still going to try and hold it in my memory bank just incase I need to reference back to it.
Oh god I can’t stand it any longer……………I’m going to finish my sub!
Well anyway that’s my thoughts. I’m hoping its nothing and that its just coincidence but I am definitely going to keep an eye on it and if you’re ever out with me and think you may be noticing it too, feel free to tell me “No Betty. You’ve had enough cookies for one day.”
Monday, January 5, 2009
An Assortment of Small Blog Tales...
Content:
¤ “New Years Resolutions” ie. Quitting smoking, wanting a better diet
¤ Trying to overcome my Speed Addiction
“New Years Resolutions”:
Ok so I wouldn’t exactly call them “New Years Resolutions” per-say, but they are in fact things I want done, in the New Year.
The first one is quitting smoking! And 5 days in, I'm still succeeding haha…Mr.J on the other hand, is not…
Since we have decided to start trying for a baby this year we decided that it’d be nice to make sure we don’t have any unhealthy chemicals etc swimming around inside our bodies…so we thought our first step is to quit smoking.
I've wanted to for a while, for health benefits but never did because I really enjoy the occasional cigarette and not only that but I've smoked for the past ten years so a lot of my daily life revolves around a smoking habit…
Get in the car - light a smoke, finish a meal - light a smoke, talk on the phone - light a smoke, have an alcoholic beverage - light a smoke, mums not at work today - light a smoke, on your lunch break - light a couple of smokes.
A lot of emotions also dictate a good time for a smoke… Got the shits - light a smoke, feeling sad - light a smoke, stressed out - light a smoke…I could go on and on but I'm sure you get the picture.
Now whenever I find myself in any of these situations I'm unsure of what to do…Last night at work on my 15 minute break…I ended up buying extra junk food to eat knowing I’d have extra time to eat it as I wasn’t outside having my usual 2 cigarettes in 10 minutes!
I do know that I most certainly do NOT want to replace cigarettes with food. Only now that I've made that promise to myself, when I do want to eat something I don’t know if that’s because I genuinely feel like eating something or because I want a smoke…although I think I will be OK at figuring that out…see on weekdays I don’t smoke at work anyway so when I feel like eating then its probably because I'm bored and at night and on weekends I will just have to watch myself more. I know that at parties and social events where large quantities of alcohol are consumed, chances are I will have a few and become one of those ‘social smokers’ but then again maybe I wont…who knows?
With the money I would usually spend a week on cigarettes I am going to be putting it away in a savings hold and that can be my ‘rewards money’…Mr.J is meant to do the same with his but since he’s still smoking I cant see that happening…although perhaps I should get him to give me the money each time he goes out to buy a packet, then if he’s paying double each time it might help him quit…
Trying To Overcome my Speed Addiction:
Yes it’s true…I have a speed addiction. I've been consumed by it for…probably about 3 years now…maybe more. But now that I'm another year older and my life is on a pathway to another stage of my life (ie trying to become a mummy) then I think it’s about time I kicked this habit. It’s about time I grow up and start acting like a responsible young-adult. It’s about time I slow down and stick to the fucking speed limit!
In all honesty I do not know if I can do this…I know that I fluff around when getting ready and I'm always late but I don’t speed because I'm worried about being late - personally I couldn’t give a shit, I'll get there when I get there…these days I'm usually only driving to work and no where important, but even when I'm not late…I still speed…I cant stand anyone who drives slower than me and then when I over take them I speed up some more and don’t slow down because it just feels good. I love the thrill of putting my foot down and just zooming up the street, music blaring, wind in my hair, 20 sometimes even 30 over.
But that’s not the worst part of the problem…when I'm in a calm ‘cruising’ mood and don’t actually want to speed…I'm still doing ten over…that’s my definition of ‘not speeding’!! If its 60 I'll be doing 70 but if its 70 I'll be doing 80 and I think nothing of it, I don’t try to do ten over, it just happens and when I try to slow down, it doesn’t last long, I'll start creeping up on some slow arse and end up at 10/20 over again.
I know speeding is dangerous and I know I'm putting myself and others in danger by doing so and I think that’s why Mr.J has decided I need to stop speeding. So I have decided that that can be all part of the ‘New Year Mummy Plan’ thing I've got going on…and I've been fairly good…this morning I only sped 5-10 over for the first, say, 5 minutes of my trip just down the main road and the ONLY reason I did so was because if you sit in the left lane where all the slow-arses are meant to be you constantly get stuck behind a million buses and I cant stand that, but if you stay in the right lane to avoid the buses, everyone else is speeding and I know that if I go slow and do the stupid speed limit (in this case 60) then I'm going to get road rage as I mouth off at the wanker who is sitting so close to the arse of my car that if I farted he’d probably smell it! So in a bid to avoid road rage, I had to speed a little. After that though I was good for the rest of the trip.
Still To Come:
¤ Trying to find a happy medium for work whilst pregnant
¤ My Two Week Christmas/New Years Holiday
¤ And Many More…
¤ “New Years Resolutions” ie. Quitting smoking, wanting a better diet
¤ Trying to overcome my Speed Addiction
“New Years Resolutions”:
Ok so I wouldn’t exactly call them “New Years Resolutions” per-say, but they are in fact things I want done, in the New Year.
The first one is quitting smoking! And 5 days in, I'm still succeeding haha…Mr.J on the other hand, is not…
Since we have decided to start trying for a baby this year we decided that it’d be nice to make sure we don’t have any unhealthy chemicals etc swimming around inside our bodies…so we thought our first step is to quit smoking.
I've wanted to for a while, for health benefits but never did because I really enjoy the occasional cigarette and not only that but I've smoked for the past ten years so a lot of my daily life revolves around a smoking habit…
Get in the car - light a smoke, finish a meal - light a smoke, talk on the phone - light a smoke, have an alcoholic beverage - light a smoke, mums not at work today - light a smoke, on your lunch break - light a couple of smokes.
A lot of emotions also dictate a good time for a smoke… Got the shits - light a smoke, feeling sad - light a smoke, stressed out - light a smoke…I could go on and on but I'm sure you get the picture.
Now whenever I find myself in any of these situations I'm unsure of what to do…Last night at work on my 15 minute break…I ended up buying extra junk food to eat knowing I’d have extra time to eat it as I wasn’t outside having my usual 2 cigarettes in 10 minutes!
I do know that I most certainly do NOT want to replace cigarettes with food. Only now that I've made that promise to myself, when I do want to eat something I don’t know if that’s because I genuinely feel like eating something or because I want a smoke…although I think I will be OK at figuring that out…see on weekdays I don’t smoke at work anyway so when I feel like eating then its probably because I'm bored and at night and on weekends I will just have to watch myself more. I know that at parties and social events where large quantities of alcohol are consumed, chances are I will have a few and become one of those ‘social smokers’ but then again maybe I wont…who knows?
With the money I would usually spend a week on cigarettes I am going to be putting it away in a savings hold and that can be my ‘rewards money’…Mr.J is meant to do the same with his but since he’s still smoking I cant see that happening…although perhaps I should get him to give me the money each time he goes out to buy a packet, then if he’s paying double each time it might help him quit…
>>>>>>>>>>>>>¤<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Trying To Overcome my Speed Addiction:
Yes it’s true…I have a speed addiction. I've been consumed by it for…probably about 3 years now…maybe more. But now that I'm another year older and my life is on a pathway to another stage of my life (ie trying to become a mummy) then I think it’s about time I kicked this habit. It’s about time I grow up and start acting like a responsible young-adult. It’s about time I slow down and stick to the fucking speed limit!
In all honesty I do not know if I can do this…I know that I fluff around when getting ready and I'm always late but I don’t speed because I'm worried about being late - personally I couldn’t give a shit, I'll get there when I get there…these days I'm usually only driving to work and no where important, but even when I'm not late…I still speed…I cant stand anyone who drives slower than me and then when I over take them I speed up some more and don’t slow down because it just feels good. I love the thrill of putting my foot down and just zooming up the street, music blaring, wind in my hair, 20 sometimes even 30 over.
But that’s not the worst part of the problem…when I'm in a calm ‘cruising’ mood and don’t actually want to speed…I'm still doing ten over…that’s my definition of ‘not speeding’!! If its 60 I'll be doing 70 but if its 70 I'll be doing 80 and I think nothing of it, I don’t try to do ten over, it just happens and when I try to slow down, it doesn’t last long, I'll start creeping up on some slow arse and end up at 10/20 over again.
I know speeding is dangerous and I know I'm putting myself and others in danger by doing so and I think that’s why Mr.J has decided I need to stop speeding. So I have decided that that can be all part of the ‘New Year Mummy Plan’ thing I've got going on…and I've been fairly good…this morning I only sped 5-10 over for the first, say, 5 minutes of my trip just down the main road and the ONLY reason I did so was because if you sit in the left lane where all the slow-arses are meant to be you constantly get stuck behind a million buses and I cant stand that, but if you stay in the right lane to avoid the buses, everyone else is speeding and I know that if I go slow and do the stupid speed limit (in this case 60) then I'm going to get road rage as I mouth off at the wanker who is sitting so close to the arse of my car that if I farted he’d probably smell it! So in a bid to avoid road rage, I had to speed a little. After that though I was good for the rest of the trip.
Still To Come:
¤ Trying to find a happy medium for work whilst pregnant
¤ My Two Week Christmas/New Years Holiday
¤ And Many More…
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Ouchie...
Man my life is always full of drama - no matter what I do it always seems to find me lol…
Somewhere between 9:30 - 10pm last night we were laying in bed and could hear all this screaming and yelling coming from a man and a woman somewhere nearby right, swearing and fighting (physically) etc etc so us, along with all in our hood, are on our balconies having a peek…anywho when things like this happen, Mr.J hates me turning on the light cuz then “other people will see us staring” Not that it should matter because we can see everyone else who is staring!
Anywho, it started getting out of hand so I’m like right I’ll call the cops and Mr.J is like “good idea” - but of course, we’re in the dark. So I've walked over to where the phone is at the end of our bed (we were on the balcony through the bedroom) and I've tripped over god knows what, bumped a heap of shit off my chest of draws that landed on me and I landed with a thud in the suitcase on the floor - still in black as all hell….so anyway I cant find the fuckin phone in the dark and think “stuff Mr.J, I need some light!”
So I manage to get up out of my heap and stumble over to the bed to get my lil lantern that’s down the side of the bed. Of course in pitch black I cant find that either and fall down the side of the bed onto my bin….After flailing my arms back and forth all over the floor, I eventually get my lantern, grab the phone and I go out into the hallway making sure no one can see the light lol and call the cops…Anyway after I'm done I think…”god my foot hurts - I must’ve really banged it when I fell…” I go out into the kitchen, turn on the lights and inspect! Yep, it looks fine, still hurts though……I turn it around to inspect under my foot and whatta ya know, I've sliced open my toe!!!
The pictures don’t do it justice - I was sitting on the kitchen bench and couldn’t pull my toe back far enough to get a good enough shot plus the gash was filling up with blood and I took them with my phone which is shit quality without excellent lighting haha but its really deep - Mr.J reckons close to the bone lol, it bloody killed but I couldn’t stop laughing cuz it was the funniest fall ever haha I wish I’d seen it lol!!
Anywho so I wasn’t sure if I’d need stitches or not so Mr.J cleaned it up with some dettol and warm water and I just called the hospital and I said “look I don’t wanna drive all the way to you guys or whoever if your just gunna clean it up and put a bandaid on it cuz I can do that so whats ur medical advice?”
So she told me to keep it clean, dry and stay off it for 48 hours (that’s 10pm wed night!!!!!!) that’s also when I'm next rostered on for woollies!! They’re gunna be pissed lol!! Anywho she said in terms of whether or not I’d need stitches she’d have to see it to judge so I'm gunna get mum to look at it when she gets in and if we think I need to we’ll go to the docs!!
But I rang Boss at woollies last night and said “Look I've just done this and I'm meant to keep off it for 48 hours cant wear shoes etc etc I may or may not be able to work on Wednesday night” and he goes “Well just ring S or M on Wednesday and let them know and that way I’ll have enough time to do something about it if you don’t come in” So I'm like alright cool.
Showering this morning proved to be a challenge as I can’t get my foot wet….I thought to myself even with a plastic bag tied around whilst standing up the water could easily drip down and onto the bandage so I strapped 2 plastic bags around it, wrapped it in a towel and I showered sitting down with my foot out the door - the problem was I kept sittin on the drain hole haha it was like a mini bath!
I also discovered I had to drive with my left foot this morning - it hurts too much to use my right foot it - just putting all that pressure on it was aching…it was so awkward I probably looked like an idiot at some stages of my drive hahahaha Well anyway nurse-mum has been and fixed me up…gave it another clean with some betadine and re wrapped it….it looks as though its closing up by itself so I wont need stitches I just need to keep off it so that it doesn’t pop open hahahha eewwww!!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
It's only 9:30am and Im Already Having "one of those days"...
Ok So lately I've been having troubles getting out of bed and I’ve been rather late to work these past couple of weeks so yesterday my new plan of attack was to set my alarm half an hour earlier - that way if I sleep in for half an hour I'm still waking up on time…good plan right??
Ok so I set my alarm for 5:43am this morning…I vaguely remember it going off, I put it on Mr.J's pillow and fell back to sleep, knowing I had at least another 15 or so mins before I should seriously start waking up…that means my alarm would go off 4 times and since I was already half awake each one should wake me up a lil bit more and by the fourth I'd be that annoyed by the sound of it that I'd get up…I rolled over again and there was no alarm noise but I looked at the time and it was 7:24 holy fuck I'm late again!!!! That means the alarm must of gone off about 6 times and I didn’t hear one of em!!!!!
Ok so up I get, I ring Mr.J, get a lecture about always being late blah blah blah winge winge winge, I didn’t say anything cuz I was still half asleep anyway then he goes “so r u going back to bed” and I'm like “why would I go back to bed” idiot! Anywho I figure its best if I don’t shower - I don’t stink so I'm fine, so I just brushed my teeth, applied ample amounts of deodorants to the places it counts the most, got dressed and took off.
Now last night on the way back from my parents I ran out of petrol completely - right on the red line and the fuel light was on so I knew I wasn’t going to make it to the servo where I usually fill up so I went to the one up the road and just put ten bucks in to get me to my usual servo- I know it takes up more time stopping for fuel twice but the petrol station up the road is shit and more expensive (it was $1.12, the usual one was $1.00 today) ok so I fill up n hit the road…anyway I called Mr.J after about 15 mins cuz I hate arguing before working and I only have one hour with him tonight before going to work again so I rang and he apologised straight away and the only reason he gets frustrated is cuz he doesn’t want me to run myself into the ground (which is pretty much what I'm doing anyway) but hes worried etc etc we’ll figure it out, all is good. OK so I get to the usual servo and fill up. Now while I'm filling up I think to myself there are 3 things I need to do when I get inside, the first is pay for my petrol;
“number 1 please”
“that’ll be $37 (or whatever it came to)”
& the second thing I need to do…get two $30 optus recharges for me n Mr.J;
“and can I also have two $30 optus recharges please”
“oh I'm sorry I cant do that for you”
“why not”
“because the machine isn’t working but if you like I can ring another station cuz we’re the same and you can get it from them”
“um no I'm going in the other direction that’s too hard don’t worry about it ill pick it up somewhere else”
“ok that’ll be $37 please”
Ok so I pay, get in my car and drive off…. “shit - what was that third thing I had to do???” I got so confused with all that recharge crap that I completely forgot!! Oh well I'm sure it was nothing too important!
OK so I get to the street my work is on and I remember that at the top (the end I drive into) there is a whole bunch of shops, maybe there will be a shop there where I can buy credit!! And there is - a newsagency - Awesome!! So in I go…there's an old lady at the front organising some kind of purchase - the guy behind the counter is asian so neither one can understand each other so it goes on for a while both apologising for taking fucking forever at various intervals during it all - what the hell I'm already 30 minutes late!!! Ok so after about 10 minutes of their bullshit she finally leaves! My turn!!
“Can I please have 2 $30 optus recharges please”
>searches through the cards…………….<
“no I'm sorry I only have one”
“ok well what other denominations do you have for optus?”
>searches some more…<
“um…$50 and $15”
“ok so give me one $30 and 2 $15’s please”
“ok that’ll be $60 please!”
Before I pay something catches my eye on the $15 cards….. it says “$15 gives you $50 worth of credit. This is a $15 14day recharge card” That means I'd have $50 worth of credit but only 14 days to spend it - that just wont do…the whole point of us both getting credit is so Mr.J can call me just after 6am and give me a wake up call and force me out of bed to prevent the continuing lateness I am suffering from!!! We can call each other on free time and there is NO WAY we'd spend $50 worth of credit in just 14 days, for gods sake! So I told him not to worry about it and he goes
“ok that’ll be $30”
“um no I don’t want one I want two”
“we don’t have two we only have one”
“exactly which is why I don’t want to buy anything from you”
“but we have one”
“yes but I'm still going to have to go and buy the other one from somewhere else so I might as well buy them both together. Goodbye”
So I leave - I'm now 40 minutes late!!!
I get to work, pull up, the finance controller has taken my parking spot - AGAIN!!! So I park elsewhere…as I'm parking the car I get a massive grumble in my stomach - I'm starving because usually I'd get to work at 8 and would have finished eating by this time…then I remember what the 3rd thing was that I wanted to do at the second petrol station…get $20 cash out so I can buy some food! Great so I'm 45 minutes late to work, I still don’t have credit and I have no food and no money! I don’t even have enough church change to scrounge up something for the vending machine! Fucking great!
But wait - there's more.
Ok so I go upstairs and wash up my coffee mug - like I do every morning and I'm busting to do a wee so I head to the loo while I'm up there….now every month, when my period is due, its usually due on the Wednesday of the week, so that week I wear a liner every day until I get them just incase they come a day early or late or incase I don’t have a chance to go to the loo and notice that I have them when they come on a Wednesday…because I was in such a rush to leave the house this morning I didn’t remember they were due today and so I didn’t put on a liner….so guess how happy I was this morning to find out that they had arrived!!?? SO now to top off everything I have period pain, PMS (which I've had all week anyway) and cravings - that I cant satisfy because the vending machine doesn’t take VISA!!!!!!!!!
And while adding this note, the coffee truck arrives - good, when I had a cry to mum this morning about my bad day she gave me a cuddle and told me she'd give me some money so I can buy some things...good I'll get some banana bread from the coffee truck....Um no, no I wont...I CANT FIND MUM!!!!
Ok so I set my alarm for 5:43am this morning…I vaguely remember it going off, I put it on Mr.J's pillow and fell back to sleep, knowing I had at least another 15 or so mins before I should seriously start waking up…that means my alarm would go off 4 times and since I was already half awake each one should wake me up a lil bit more and by the fourth I'd be that annoyed by the sound of it that I'd get up…I rolled over again and there was no alarm noise but I looked at the time and it was 7:24 holy fuck I'm late again!!!! That means the alarm must of gone off about 6 times and I didn’t hear one of em!!!!!
Ok so up I get, I ring Mr.J, get a lecture about always being late blah blah blah winge winge winge, I didn’t say anything cuz I was still half asleep anyway then he goes “so r u going back to bed” and I'm like “why would I go back to bed” idiot! Anywho I figure its best if I don’t shower - I don’t stink so I'm fine, so I just brushed my teeth, applied ample amounts of deodorants to the places it counts the most, got dressed and took off.
Now last night on the way back from my parents I ran out of petrol completely - right on the red line and the fuel light was on so I knew I wasn’t going to make it to the servo where I usually fill up so I went to the one up the road and just put ten bucks in to get me to my usual servo- I know it takes up more time stopping for fuel twice but the petrol station up the road is shit and more expensive (it was $1.12, the usual one was $1.00 today) ok so I fill up n hit the road…anyway I called Mr.J after about 15 mins cuz I hate arguing before working and I only have one hour with him tonight before going to work again so I rang and he apologised straight away and the only reason he gets frustrated is cuz he doesn’t want me to run myself into the ground (which is pretty much what I'm doing anyway) but hes worried etc etc we’ll figure it out, all is good. OK so I get to the usual servo and fill up. Now while I'm filling up I think to myself there are 3 things I need to do when I get inside, the first is pay for my petrol;
“number 1 please”
“that’ll be $37 (or whatever it came to)”
& the second thing I need to do…get two $30 optus recharges for me n Mr.J;
“and can I also have two $30 optus recharges please”
“oh I'm sorry I cant do that for you”
“why not”
“because the machine isn’t working but if you like I can ring another station cuz we’re the same and you can get it from them”
“um no I'm going in the other direction that’s too hard don’t worry about it ill pick it up somewhere else”
“ok that’ll be $37 please”
Ok so I pay, get in my car and drive off…. “shit - what was that third thing I had to do???” I got so confused with all that recharge crap that I completely forgot!! Oh well I'm sure it was nothing too important!
OK so I get to the street my work is on and I remember that at the top (the end I drive into) there is a whole bunch of shops, maybe there will be a shop there where I can buy credit!! And there is - a newsagency - Awesome!! So in I go…there's an old lady at the front organising some kind of purchase - the guy behind the counter is asian so neither one can understand each other so it goes on for a while both apologising for taking fucking forever at various intervals during it all - what the hell I'm already 30 minutes late!!! Ok so after about 10 minutes of their bullshit she finally leaves! My turn!!
“Can I please have 2 $30 optus recharges please”
>searches through the cards…………….<
“no I'm sorry I only have one”
“ok well what other denominations do you have for optus?”
>searches some more…<
“um…$50 and $15”
“ok so give me one $30 and 2 $15’s please”
“ok that’ll be $60 please!”
Before I pay something catches my eye on the $15 cards….. it says “$15 gives you $50 worth of credit. This is a $15 14day recharge card” That means I'd have $50 worth of credit but only 14 days to spend it - that just wont do…the whole point of us both getting credit is so Mr.J can call me just after 6am and give me a wake up call and force me out of bed to prevent the continuing lateness I am suffering from!!! We can call each other on free time and there is NO WAY we'd spend $50 worth of credit in just 14 days, for gods sake! So I told him not to worry about it and he goes
“ok that’ll be $30”
“um no I don’t want one I want two”
“we don’t have two we only have one”
“exactly which is why I don’t want to buy anything from you”
“but we have one”
“yes but I'm still going to have to go and buy the other one from somewhere else so I might as well buy them both together. Goodbye”
So I leave - I'm now 40 minutes late!!!
I get to work, pull up, the finance controller has taken my parking spot - AGAIN!!! So I park elsewhere…as I'm parking the car I get a massive grumble in my stomach - I'm starving because usually I'd get to work at 8 and would have finished eating by this time…then I remember what the 3rd thing was that I wanted to do at the second petrol station…get $20 cash out so I can buy some food! Great so I'm 45 minutes late to work, I still don’t have credit and I have no food and no money! I don’t even have enough church change to scrounge up something for the vending machine! Fucking great!
But wait - there's more.
Ok so I go upstairs and wash up my coffee mug - like I do every morning and I'm busting to do a wee so I head to the loo while I'm up there….now every month, when my period is due, its usually due on the Wednesday of the week, so that week I wear a liner every day until I get them just incase they come a day early or late or incase I don’t have a chance to go to the loo and notice that I have them when they come on a Wednesday…because I was in such a rush to leave the house this morning I didn’t remember they were due today and so I didn’t put on a liner….so guess how happy I was this morning to find out that they had arrived!!?? SO now to top off everything I have period pain, PMS (which I've had all week anyway) and cravings - that I cant satisfy because the vending machine doesn’t take VISA!!!!!!!!!
And while adding this note, the coffee truck arrives - good, when I had a cry to mum this morning about my bad day she gave me a cuddle and told me she'd give me some money so I can buy some things...good I'll get some banana bread from the coffee truck....Um no, no I wont...I CANT FIND MUM!!!!
Monday, November 3, 2008
D.C.C
I’ll try and keep it short and sweet but I am disturbed to say that it seems as though I have stumbled upon an epidemic…or another plague possibly…but not moths this time…CRICKETS!!
Now as much as I hate crickets I'm not scared of them like I am with moths, but they still fall very strongly under the “I Hate Bugs” Category of my life.
Has anyone else noticed this Cricket Epidemic, or am I the only one?
I am aware that the boring sport of cricket has taken our TV’s hostage over the past few months…or years…I dunno it feels like its always bloody on but that doesn’t mean we need to have the bugs around 24/7.
At work last week (Woolies), I noticed about 3 throughout my shift, inside and outside the building. Then Friday night at home Mr.J said there was a grasshopper in the house - I didn’t see it, but thinking about it now, it must’ve been a cricket - a large cricket and a small grasshopper can have quite a few similarities and plus we live on the top floor of an apartment building and therefore we have no grass so I'm almost certain it would’ve been a cricket, and I saw one on the balcony on the weekend. Then also on the weekend I noticed more and more out and about and then today at work (day job) I noticed at least 5 along the one corridor!!!
While it is very scary and disturbing to see so many of these retched creatures around, I am a little bit calmed by the fact that besides the one Mr.J saw in the lounge room on Friday night, every single one of them have been dead…its like a Dead Cricket Conspiracy.
That is all for now as I have nothing else to say about the matter but if you have noticed this D.C.C do let me know and also if you find out any information explaining the D.C.C please, be sure I’m the first you tell.
Thank you for your time.
Now as much as I hate crickets I'm not scared of them like I am with moths, but they still fall very strongly under the “I Hate Bugs” Category of my life.
Has anyone else noticed this Cricket Epidemic, or am I the only one?
I am aware that the boring sport of cricket has taken our TV’s hostage over the past few months…or years…I dunno it feels like its always bloody on but that doesn’t mean we need to have the bugs around 24/7.
At work last week (Woolies), I noticed about 3 throughout my shift, inside and outside the building. Then Friday night at home Mr.J said there was a grasshopper in the house - I didn’t see it, but thinking about it now, it must’ve been a cricket - a large cricket and a small grasshopper can have quite a few similarities and plus we live on the top floor of an apartment building and therefore we have no grass so I'm almost certain it would’ve been a cricket, and I saw one on the balcony on the weekend. Then also on the weekend I noticed more and more out and about and then today at work (day job) I noticed at least 5 along the one corridor!!!
While it is very scary and disturbing to see so many of these retched creatures around, I am a little bit calmed by the fact that besides the one Mr.J saw in the lounge room on Friday night, every single one of them have been dead…its like a Dead Cricket Conspiracy.
That is all for now as I have nothing else to say about the matter but if you have noticed this D.C.C do let me know and also if you find out any information explaining the D.C.C please, be sure I’m the first you tell.
Thank you for your time.
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